Summer is here, and all I hear is raindrops.

75 days

6,480,000 seconds

108,000 minutes

1800 hours

10 weeks 

Studying ophthalmology is one of the etiology for strabismus/squint?

There are few things that I've learned these past few weeks.

1. It is wrong for one to read Gatsby during Charity Dinner. That's just so rude. Even if it's The Great Gatsby, this is no excuse. Socialize politely.
2. IBS literally spoils it all. Dealing with stress seems harder these days. I thought I already overcome this IBS thingy. 
3. My lacrimal gland is abnormally big. It's healthy btw, Alhamdulillah
4. I should get out from my comfort zone. 
5. But I don't think I'm ready. 
6. And that's just another lame excuse from me.

Bye.

Datang & Pergi.

Ahhh. Gelora dalam jiwa. Siapa tahu?
Nah, kalau aku cerita, ada kau boleh bantu? 
Sakit aku, sakit aku. Bukan kau yang di tempat aku. 
Empati kau tinggi gunung? Peduli apa aku. 

Dan demi sesungguhnya! Kami tetap menguji kamu (wahai orang-orang yang mengaku beriman) sehingga ternyata pengetahuan Kami tentang adanya orang-orang yang berjuang dari kalangan kamu dan orang-orang yang sabar (dalam menjalankan perintah Kami) dan (sehingga) Kami dapat mengesahkan (benar atau tidaknya) berita-berita tentang keadaan kamu. (Surah Muhammad: ayat 31)

Barangkali penat. Letih. Tak larat.
Kaki makin berat. Kepala makin pening.
Kerja makin tambah.
Masa makin kurang. 
Malas mula menguasai.
Futur kah? Lalai kah? Alpa kah?

(Ingatlah) bahawa kehidupan dunia (yang tidak berdasarkan iman dan takwa) hanyalah ibarat permainan dan hiburan dan jika kamu beriman serta bertakwa, Allah akan memberikan kamu pahala amal kamu dan Dia tidak meminta kepada kamu harta benda kamu (melainkan untuk memberikan kamu barang yang lebih baik daripadanya). (Surah Muhammad: ayat 36)

Maafkan aku.
Acapkali aku tenggelam dalam emosi.
Menganggap masalah sendiri sebesar bumi.
Butakah aku pada insan lain di sekeliling?
Jihad mereka yang memerlukan pengorbanan dari semua segi.
Jihad aku? Huh. 
Kononnya aku lah yang paling derita.
Tapi bila gelak ketawa, amboi, tak ingat dunia.
Kebahagiaan palsu, takkan tahan lama.

Malunya aku, jika engkau ada pada saat ini. 
Apalah sangat kesusahan aku kini.
Sakit dikau tak terperi.
Namun tak pernah sekali engkau berhenti.
Atas dasar cinta mu pada Illahi,
Semuanya seakan-akan manis sekali.

Ya. Mungkin aku akan futur lagi.

Mungkin aku akan jatuh lagi. 

Mungkin jua aku akan kuat nanti.

Berkat doa & usaha, akan ku terbang tinggi.

أم

I always enjoy talking in the car throughout any journey . When all my sisters were asleep at the back of our small humble car back then, I prefer to read. Or talk. In a way, it's a strategy to avoid my father from getting sleepy. So, I tried to keep him awake. 
Sometimes, when my eyes are strained from reading too much, or when I'm too tired from talking, asking random questions and singing, I too, surrendered in my slumber.

When I was about 10 or 11 or so, as we were in the car on our way back to KL from Kota Bharu,
my mom blurted out something after I'd just finished telling them some stories. I have no recall on what exactly it was, something about me explaining to them about my Kemahiran Hidup's homework, but what I do remember is mom saying that,
"Hur, I believe you'll make a good doctor one day",

12 years after, here am I, still not a doctor, but in a process of being one, insya Allah.

It's amazing how a mother knows their children like the back of her hand. Mothers read their children like a book. Feels your pain without you telling them. They are the happiest when you are happy. They believe you when no one does. Willing to sacrifice just about anything, and yet feel like they lose nothing if it's for you.

Mothers. 

We've heard great stories of  mothers in the past.

Take Hajar, the wife of prophet Ibrahim A.S for example. How she solely survived the heat of the dry land Makkah with her infant son. For seven times repetitively, running back and forth from Safa to Marwa in search for a drop of water for her beloved son, prophet Ismail A.S. How she genuinely understand that her husband does not leave her alone with their son at that time for no reason.

She asked him: "Did Allah command you to do so?" 
He replied: "Yes." 
Then his great wife said: "We are not going to be lost, since Allah, Who has commanded you, is with us."

Trust me, if you ever experience the heat of Sahara, for Hajar to go through all  this without complaining, sounds too good to be true. And yet, this is the truth.

Mothers nowadays, may not have to go through like what Hajar did. This does not mean that they did not sacrifice anything. 

How many mothers you know who stop chasing their youthful dreams just because the condition of their children demand them to forget their dreams and concentrate in taking care of her children.
How many mothers who work their butt off day and night just to provide their children the best comfort of life and still come back home from all the stress in her workplace to clean her house, and cook meals for everyone and at the end of the day, she is the last one who went to bed.
How many mothers who are really hurt with her children doings but prefer not to say anything for she accepts what they are and believe that one day her own children will change.
How many mothers who stay late at night to perform solat tahajjud, solat hajat, reads yassin and pray hard every single night without fail in hope that Allah protects her children wherever they are. 

And yet, we are lost in this dunya in search of one true love. Claiming that no one really loves us. That no one understands us. It is heart breaking to hear such statement. Your mother's precious genuine love is for you, and only you, since birth. But no. Not all of us realize this fact.

I'm not a feminist, but if one may ask what is the best thing of being a woman, it is having the chance of being a mother. And if you are a man, what's the best thing of being a man, it is having the chance to help your wife being a mother.

In fact, we are just so ever lucky to own a mother. Alhamdulillah.

You may ask any mother in this whole wide world, and they will enlighten you with their own unique stories of motherhood. How motherhood turn them into a real woman. Thus, becoming a significant person in this world. For all wonderful great people should thank their mothers for contributing in their success in so many ways.

Their love, their patience, their virtue, their wisdom, their hardship is worth to be appreciated every single day.

Today, or tomorrow, or later as you step inside your house, go and search your mother. Hug them like you never hug them before. Kiss them softly. Once on her forehead. Once on her right cheek. Another one on her left cheek. Look straight into her crystal clear eyes. Ask her to forgive you for all your wrong-doings. Let  her know  that you forgive her too if she did ever wronged you which is very unlikely. Make her believe strongly, that deep inside your heart, you love her so much. Not as much as she loves you. But still, you love her too. Never forget to pray for her every time after you perform your salah.

Repeat this as much as possible, every time you get the chance of doing so.
While you still can.

Happy mother's day.
and happy father's day too. 

Always remember, without your father, your mother wouldn't be a mother :) 

Of course without Allah's help, none of these seems possible. 

Worrywart

 “When Allah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship.” (Abu Hurairah)

The front door of a mosque in Medan, Indonesia 2011

General advice from Prophet Muhammad (sall’allahu alayhi wasallam) when you are in distress or suffering from anxiety:

In hadith #599 narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas in Sunan Abu Dawood, The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If anyone continually asks pardon, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide for him from where he did not reckon.

Salam Jumuaah, fatabarakallah.

Lost Love, In Time.

“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sense weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't.” 
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven


My thirst for adventure is unquenchable. It is what keeps me alive. 
The adrenaline that rushes through your every vein. 
The sweat that runs on your skin. 
The expanded distance that you walk. 
The thoughts just keep flowing.
You know, your existence is significant.

I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was 12.
Now I know, it is not because of my obsession to Relic Hunter. It is more than just a TV series.

Why do I have this affinity to vast empty spaces?
Probably because beyond the never-ending horizon & emptiness,
Lies enchanting stories beyond imagination. 

Beneath the hot fiery sun by the day
And  twinkling stars sputter in colour by the night
Above that crackled barren land
The dryness it brings to your skin & tongue
On my bed of stones,
As I shivered and turned my back to the fierce wind,
I understand now, for what I enjoy most 
is the idea of possibilities that it brings.

As Mr Imad told us the story of Adam & Eve,
After we waited for the sun to set on the English Mountain.
Separated across the continents, yet, manage to find each other.
I wonder why is the first tale on earth, is a love story. Not the murder of Abel by Cain.
A lost love, meant to be found.
A sun rises, and sets, and rises again.

Beautiful Night

73

“The love that defies, the love for two older strangers who came from afar and will already have left tomorrow for a path she would also like to walk. Love prefers adventure.”

-The three forms of love (Eros)

Day 73

Fly Fwen, Fly!

A friend of mine, named Fwen *bukan nama sebenar*, told me how Fwen really wanted to fly during Fwen's childhood days. Fwen really thought of jumping down a cliff and see whether Fwen can really fly or not.

 No. Fwen is not one of the Wright's brothers or sisters.

Today, as I walked in the middle of a busy Cairo's street, After we drank asir that tasted so sweet that I pray it wont cost me diabetes especially since diabetes runs strongly in my family line. Most of us picked asir sobia bifaraullah. 

Oh, where was I just now? Ah yes. Walking down the street, busy road.

I saw a flock of birds flying around as I gaze up the sky. They have this peculiar habit of flying around in circle over & over again. I really wish someone comes up with a scientific explaination for this. For I might then understand why I like to go around in circle too.

One thing I'd never told Fwen is that I know why Fwen wanted to fly like a bird so much. It is so that Fwen can just fly away from somewhere or from something or from someone whenever Fwen feels like to do so, without having to give any explaination at all. For Fwen is a bird. And a bird job is to fly.

First Day, 4th March '13,
Abasiyyah Malaysian Building,
Cairo, Egypt.

Di Mana Bumi Dipijak, Di Situ, tidak semestinya, Hati itu Ada

I've been dormant for awhile. It was a period of abstinence of which I always like to describe.

So here I am, by the end of my 9th Semester out of 12 semester. Just finished my final exam.

Just drained out of all the medical related things after I vomited it all yesterday, on my final paper. Though I do pray it embedded in my mind for the rest of my life.

Just drained out of emotion too, for one by one of my friends went to their respective destinations. It hurts. When you were left all alone. You woke up, with no one beside you. No sound of early morning random laughing. No screaming to each other. No one to solat jemaah with. It just sad. Oh well. It's life. Or, it could be hormonal.

My plan? Well, I'm not very much a planner. After quite some times, I've changed I guess. That doesn't mean I do have a complete plan. I guess, I just love to deny. Or am deeply confused. Most of the times.

Packed my bags, which I've never really packed this much before. I was always a light traveler. But this time, I thought, "Hey, why don't I unleash the feminine side of mine". And plonked everything I own inside a bag, including all the socks that I own, all the lotions, creams, shampoo and an iron, which is hello a very essential traveling item which a typical lady needs. Wow, I've never did this. A new lady achievement, well done!

Thought of bringing all the new novels that I haven't read. But then, a typical lady, won't bring lots of books. That's what a typical nerd do. I guess two will do. Not so much of a nerd.

Plus I would very much want to interact more with the locals, rather than drown myself inside all the fantasies which I found very unhealthy just recently. *Aha, don't want to make it sound sarcastic*

Anywho, Hello World! I hope you do be nice to me. For, I may have forgotten the basic interaction with the homosapiens ever since I was in my cave for the past few months.

Quran 6:11, “Say, Travel in the earth”

On which we establish the knowledge resulting from traveling in an art called “Travel writing”.  Muslims were interested in such art and traveled the earth.  ”Say, Travel in the earth.”

P/S: Jangan lupa to solat sunat musafir. Rugi tak buat. Doa makbul, in syaa Allah. Pray for me too :)

White Winter

Kang Jun Sang atau Lee Min Hyuk.
Dua orang yang berbeza personaliti.
Tapi kalau sayang, tetap sayang juga.
Tak kisah macam mana pun personalitinya.
Tak kisah berubah macam mana pun.

Lama pula tak tulis blog. Hihihi.
Teringat angin lembut sepoi-sepoi bahasa Nami Island plak.
Hrmmm..


P/s: Kan Hur dah cakap, takde orang yg tengok cerita Winter Sonata tak nangis. hehehe. At one point, dia mesti touch at least a slight of your emotion. Especially dengan lagu2 instrumental sentimental dia :P

Mother Of Books

Ohhhh Yessss... The moment when Beast showed the library to Belle, I was literally gasping for air. The view was breathless. Big Time!

I seldom berangan of my dream house. But when i do, i'm not really picky about it. Just a small simple cozy house, with lotsa lotssssaaa lotsaaaa of books in it. My house should be drowned in books. I'll be swimming in it. I could literally dive in it. Submerged in it. Ya ya, I've made my point.

The reading room should be the biggest space in the whole household.

 Of course, our bedroom should have at least this much of books right.

Oh, and this should be our TV corner, which the TV will not be much in use for sure. I'll have my children be so drawn in reading books that they wouldn't bother to even watch any TV.  The TV would be much like a decor only.

If we somehow have very small house, then, not having a bookshelf is no problem at all. There is always enough spaces for books. Even if this means attaching them to the walls.

 Oh, and when the walls are already fully occupied, we always have the yard to place some of the bookshelves.

I kinda like this antique design reading room.

I guess, when we have tons of books, we need to be really organised. Maybe it should be colour coded. 

Yes, our children would want to sleep on the bookshelf. They will love books that much! :p

Alright, let's say if we do really have tiny little house, this would suffice.

Bulan Ramadhan, doa mustajab kan? So I'll be praying harddd for this one :)

Dear Ramadhan #2

2nd Ramadhan, 3rd Taraweeh.
Wara' Kuliyah Handasah
Juzu' 3- Surah Ali-Imran, (Surah ke-3)

Some of the ayahs which the Imam repeated a few times, today.

Diperhiaskan bagi manusia kesukaan kepada barang yang diingini, (yaitu) dari hal perempuan dan anak laki-­laki, dan berpikul-pikul emas dan perak, dan kuda kenderaan yang diasuh, dan binatang-binatang ternak dan sawah-ladang. Yang demikian itulah perhiasan hidup di dunia. Namun di sisi Allah ada (lagi) sebaik tempat kembali.

Beautified for people is the love of that which they desire - of women and sons, heaped-up sums of gold and silver, fine branded horses, and cattle and tilled land. That is the enjoyment of worldly life, but Allah has with Him the best return.

Katakanlah: sukakah kamu aku ceritakan kepada kamu apa yang lebih baik daripada yang demikian, di sisi Tuhan mereka, bagi orang-orang yang bertakwa? Ialah syurga-­syurga, yang mengalir di bawahnya sungai-sungai, kekal mereka di dalamnya, dan isteri-isteri yang suci, dan keridhaan dari Allah. Dan Allah melihat akan hamba-hambaNya.

Say, "Shall I inform you of [something] better than that? For those who fear Allah will be gardens in the presence of their Lord beneath which rivers flow, wherein they abide eternally, and purified spouses and approval from Allah . And Allah is Seeing of [His] servants -

:)

Dear Ramadhan #1

Assalamualaikum, and tomorrow marks our first Ramadhan for 2012. Yay! :)
Just came back from Game' Ibrahim Mosque, and alhamdulillah, we managed to complete our first solah taraweeh for this year.

وَ إِذْ يَرْفَعُ إِبْرَاهِيْمُ الْقَوَاعِدَ مِنَ الْبَيْتِ وَإِسْمَاعِيْلُ رَبَّنَا تَقَبَّلْ مِنَّا إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ السَّمِيْعُ الْعَلِيْمُ

Dan (ingatlah), ketika Ibrahim meninggikan (membina) dasar-dasar Baitullah beserta Ismail (seraya berdo'a): "Ya Rabb kami terimalah daripada kami (amalan kami), sesungguhnya Engkaulah Yang Maha Mendengar lagi Maha Mengetahui. (QS. 2:127)

127. "And (remember) when Abraham and Ismail raised up the foundations of the House; (saying): ' Our Lord,! Accept (this service) from us; for surely You are All-Hearing, Ali-Knowing'

رَبَّنَا وَ اجْعَلْنَا مُسْلِمَيْنِ لَكَ وَ مِنْ ذُرِّيَّتِنَا أُمَّةً مُّسْلِمَةً لَّكَ وَ أَرِنَا مَنَاسِكَنَا وَ تُبْ عَلَيْنَآ إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ التَّوَّابُ الرَّحِيْمُ

Ya Rabb kami, jadikanlah kami berdua orang yang tunduk patuh kepada Engkau dan (jadikanlah) di antara anak-cucu kami umat yang tunduk patuh kepada Engkau dan tunjukkanlah kepada kami cara-cara dan tempat-tempat ibadah haji kami, dan terimalah taubat kami. Sesungguhnya Engkaulah Yang Maha Penerima taubat lagi Maha Penyayang. (QS. 2:128)

128. " 'Our Lord, make us submissive (Muslims) to You, and of our progeny an Ummah (a nation) submissive to You, and show us our ways of worship, and turn to us (mercifully); for surely You are the Oft-Returning, the Most Merciful '."

These two ayahs was repeated 3 times by the syeikh imam, just now. For sure, these are beautiful verses indeed. An Ummah submissive to you.

During the witir prayer, the imam emphasize our dua for our brothers & sisters in Syria & Burma who are now suffering just because they claim themselves as moslems.

I remember, my ramadhan last year, was all about me. Almost all of my duas was about me, me & me. My happiness, my family, my future, everything, as if the world revolves around me.  It's time that we pray for our muslim brothers & sisters, too. Pray for them, like we pray for ourselves. Pray for them seriously. If only each & one of us are not selfish, praying for each and every muslims in the world, masyaAllah, of all these splendid duas, at least some of them, Allah will grant them. In fact, Allah can grant all of these duas, InsyaAllah.


May this Ramadhan brings lots & lots of barakah, and change each and one of us into better muslims. Amin Ya Rabb. InsyaAllah the victory of Islam will come soon enough. Allah promise us this, all we got to do is have faith in Him, strongly.

Just a post paediatric exam bebelan.

you see
we dh sampai one stage where there's so many things we want in life

• but we keep on denying them
• and then we go.. "Just let it be what it is"
• and then i realized
• " Just let it be what it is" is just so easy to say
• in the end.. we will end up exactly where we should end up in
• because its already written down in the luh mahfuz
• every now and then
• in our everyday life
• we are presented with so many choices
• but we just dont know what to do with them
• and so we just say "forget it".
  
  
  we end up not choosing anything.
  we don't move forward. 
  we can't go backwards.
  
  
  
  
  thanks for the bebelan, friend. we should try harder, moving forward.
  it's time to consider all the choices that we have purposely neglected, all these years.
  
  
  :)
  
  
  
  

Good Late Morning & You

An old favourite of mine.
Tolong lah hur, lagu kau semua lama. :P

Good Morning & Good Things.

Good things come to those 

who wait,
 patiently.

 work hard,

continuously.

pray hard,
silently.

if bad things,
or even nothing comes,
it might be a good thing.

New Discovery

How's your day today?

How do you feel?

Are you angry?

What's wrong?

What's your future plan?

I have all the answers, but sometimes, one can't just utter their words simply.

It's not that simple, as it looks.

Or maybe, 

One is just too complicated. hehe

These canals, it seems 

They all go in circles 

Places look the same, 

And we're the only difference 

A Pathfinder

I miss those backpacking times.
Exploring new world beyond my imaginations.
Meeting people with different backgrounds, culture, religions & perspectives.
Collecting new ideas, expanding my visions, revealing the ancient histories

I need a new adventure!

Shifting to --> *kumpul duit mode*

Kalau niat betul, Allah permudahkan, Biiznillah.


Tidakkah mereka telah berjalan dan mengembara di muka bumi, dengan itu tidakkah mereka memerhatikan bagaimana kesudahan orang-orang yang terdahulu dari mereka? Orang-orang itu adalah orang-orang yang lebih dari mereka tentang kekuatan tenaga dan tentang kesan-kesan usaha pembangunan di muka bumi. Maka sekalipun demikian, Allah binasakan mereka dengan sebab dosa-dosa mereka, dan tiadalah bagi mereka sesiapapun yang dapat menyelamatkan mereka dari azab Allah.

Surah Gafir; ayat 21

just a lil' bit

that tune
that scents
that vibe

if it's still stabbing the heart,
mimicking a typical angina attack.
then, it's a sign.
a sign that one still need a little bit more time.

yeah, just a little bit more.