C.H.A.N.G.E

Every cell in the human body regenerates on average, every 7 years. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we are brand, new people. We may look the same, we probably do, but change isn't visible...not in most of us, but we all change, completely, forever.

When we say things like 'people don't change,' it drives scientists crazy because change is literally the only constant in science. Energy, matter, it's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural...the way we change to what things were than letting them be as they are. The way we change to old memories instead of forming new ones, the way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death or a second chance at life if we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline, like at any moment we can have another chance at life...like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

p/s : i miss these 2 girls above. May life for you is happy, now and Hereafter insyaAllah. :)

why am i the only one who is not changing? need to make one, pronto!

excess happiness

once, i told one of my best friends that i feel guilty, when i'm happy.

my usual daily days *min zaman yakni* are like a roller coaster ride. there's up and down, here and then. mama used to tell me, "don't be so stress out. do not burn yourself out. you don't have to carry the world on your shoulder. you're still young. you don't have to age so early".

probably, i did aged too early. i don't usually click in the normal conversations with my peers of same age are having. i had a friend telling me, my tastes in everything are just like her granny. and what i have in my mind, well, i don't dare to express it, most of the time. *really, you don't want to know*

and so, if i feel so happy, i felt guilty. as in, "why am i feeling so happy?". i believe, if i feel so happy right now, i might receive bad news then. from my previous past history, my brain planted this theory firmly.

and so, i did some emotion control every now and then.

an "emotional check", is what i called it. i set an emotion parameter. if it's somehow above or below the average, quickly, i do a deep inhalation, and do some other various stuffs and insyaAllah, eventually, it will be back to it's normal level.

This theory that i'm having is definitely not rigid at all. Obviously, as human beings, we can't really control our emotions all the time. Sometimes, your brain can't process all the information that gushes in all at once, and alas, you have an unplanned reaction. A pure reaction originates from your heart or most probably your "nafs", without your brain interfering with it.

I realised now, that whatever emotion one is having, whether it is excess or little, good or bad, one have no control most of the time. with time and experiences, we may train ourselves to have some control. but really, how many of us can really do this.

therefore, i concluded above all the theories from one simple stand. that everything comes from Allah, which means, everything originates from Him is a good thing. so is happiness, or even sadness. it's never wrong to feel happy, it's not bad feeling sad, it's ok to worry, and it's normal that sometimes, you feel angry.

acknowledge that each emotions comes for a reason. don't straight away react with the feeling that you are having. at least, stop and think, and analyze this emotion that you are having. the best way is to visualize the consequences of your every detail actions. how it will affects yourself, how it affects the people around you; your friends & family, whether it affects your studies, and definitely, will it affect your future? In case you have problems visualizing it, then remember this, will Allah like it if you react this way. will He bless your reaction towards your emotion?

i've learned that it's okay to feel happy. it's one of the nikmah in this world. you should enjoy this nikmah, so that you are motivated to aspire Jannah. if you enjoy being happy in this world, the happiness in Jannah is, MasyaAllah, greatly beyond your imagination. the key is to learn how to react with this excessive emotion that you are having. yes, bad news, may come along after happiness just as after the sun shines, rain comes along. however, remember that after it rains heavily, beautiful colourful rainbow comes along. mashaAllah, the thoughts of rainbow, flutters my heart so much, i probably end up with atrial fibrillation. :p

May allah always bless the feelings that i'm having, all the time :)

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“And that it is He (Allah) Who makes (whom He wills) laugh, and makes (whom He wills) weep”

- (Surah An-Najm 53:43)

azalea.

I know you'll leave me one fine day.

You're sick of me, is what you'll say;

dumb and numb, I'll send you on your way.

Ahead of you I'll scatter showers

great armfuls of azalea flowers

from Yongbyon mountains' springtime bowers.

And as you go, each step you make

lightly on the flowers that break

will echo as the leave you take.

I know you'll leave me one fine day.

You're sick of me, is what you'll say;

but I'll not weep then, come what may.

now, will you trample on my azaleas?

p/s; this is a korean literary heritage poetry.

#18

Truly in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it it there is sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to him and in it there is emptiness that cannot be filled except with the love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.

- Ibn Qaiyyim al Jawziyyah

alhamdulillah ala kulli hal :)

Sol; Where is your soul?

"Ok, mana nak pergi lagi lepas ni?", kata irna.

"Hrmmm, jap eh. tengok map jap.", sambil terkapai-kapai membuka map dalam keadaan hujan yang masih renyai.

"Ok, kita dah cover area ni. sini pun dah. eh, sini pun dah. ni puerta de toledo kan. ha, betul la. wahh, tak sangka, in. satu malam kita boleh round satu kota Madrid", saya berkata.

Puerto De Toledo

Kami membuat keputusan untuk pulang sahaja ke kawasan hostel kami, Puerta De Sol, atau nama pendeknya "Sol" memandangkan malam pun sudah mula tua.

Perjalanan balik ke kawasan hostel amat mudah. Bandar Madrid dihubungkan melalui Metro, ala-ala LRT bawah tanah konon nya.

Keadaan di Puerto De Sol malam itu sangat meriah. Jalannya di penuhi orang ramai, walaupun dalam keadaan hujan.

"Eh, diorang buat apa ni? Jom tengok jap", kata irna sambil menunjuk ke arah sekumpulan manusia berkumpul di tengah dataran Sol.

Kelihatan seorang wanita, berdiri di atas "stage" kotak. Seorang lelaki tolong memegang payung bagi pihaknya. Seolah-olah, wanita tersebut sedang melakukan sebuah persembahan barangkali.

" I was a bad girl before", berkata wanita tersebut dalam bahasa Spanish. Lelaki yang memegang payung tersebut menterjemahkan kata-katanya dalam Bahasa Inggeris.

" I love to party. I went to Disco and night clubs all the time. My life was a mess. Alcohol & sex was my best friend, and it makes me happy each time i'm depressed. i even tried to commit suicide when i face a big problem.

But one day, i stop and think for a while. i need help. There must be someone out here, SOMEONE at all, who can help me. Help me to get out of this kind of life that i'm facing. I search everywhere for something, or someone to help me. but i seem to not find it anywhere. I want to change, but i don't know how.

That's when i realised, there is SOMETHING that can help me. Some force whom which is with me all these time, but i do not notice it. God. I realised, God can help me.

That's when i started to believe in God. I try to love God, and God heals me completely inside",

Sungguh panjang sajak wanita tersebut. Kata-katanya penuh emosi menusuk kalbu. Seolah-olah, saya boleh memahami apa yang wanita tersebut cuba maksudkan. Seakan-akan diri sesat dalam keseronokan dunia. Seronok, memang seronok. tapi, kenapa rasa seolah-olah ada yang tak kena.

Wanita tersebut mengakhiri sajaknya dengan berkata;

Remember that, no matter how lost you are, in the end you will always have god's love.

wanita Spanish, dan lelaki berambut kerinting di tepinya.

Sungguh. Memang wanita ini bukan Islam. Dia merupakan penganut agama Katholik, sama seperti rata-rata seluruh penduduk Madrid. Tetapi sedikit sebanyak, apa yang dikatakan olehnya, benar sekali.

Kadang-kadang kita sibuk mencari ketenangan, cuba mencari kebenaran, namun kita lupa. Jawapan kepada segala kekeliruan dan sumber ketenangan kita, memang ada depan mata. Cuma, kita yang buta mata, buta hati.

Tuhanmu lebih mengetahui apa yang ada dalam hatimu, jika kamu orang yang baik, maka sungguh, Dia Maha Pengampun kepada orang yang bertaubat ' (Al Isra' : 25)

Sesudah wanita itu mengakhiri persembahannya, seorang lelaki, berambut kerinting pula naik ke atas "stage" tersebut.

"Here's a drawing i drew;

lebih kurg macam ni lah lukisan nya.

"Of course it can't be compared to picasso's masterpiece. And if you can see here, i have an eraser. If i think, my drawing is a disaster, or if i did a mistake in my drawing, i can simply erase it.

Now, life is not like this drawing. You can't just screw a chapter of your life, and erase your mistakes.

But god can do this for you." katanya sambil membalikkan bahagian belakang kertas yang di conteng itu. bahagian belakang kertas ini, sangat putih dan bersih, tiada kesan contengan walaupun setitik pun.

Sambungnya lagi;

"As He's the saviour of humankind. this is how much God loves you. he can do THIS, for you"

Adalah memang kepercayaan agama mereka dari segi "purification of sins" dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Tetapi Islam juga mengamalkan konsep yang sama, malah lebih indah lagi.

Memang benar, kita tak boleh nak turn back the time, and erase the past chapters of our lives mcm kita padam kesalahan dalam lukisan.

tapi apa yang kita boleh buat ialah, kita boleh start a new chapter in life. a clean, pure chapter of life. sama macam apa lelaki spanish ni buat, dia selak muka surat kertas tu yang bersih. kesalahan lalu seolah-olah pengajaran bagi kita. dan adanya contengan *macam novel Hlovate contengan perjalanan lah plak* dalam chapter hidup kita yang dulu tu, adalah untuk mengingatkan kita untuk tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang sama lagi.

bayangkan lah, kalau senang benar kita boleh padam semua kesalahan kita. buat salah, padam. salah je padam. senang bagi kita untuk ulangi benda yang sama. sebab kita tahu, nanti boleh padam juga, orang pun tak tau. boleh lah buat banyak kali kan, kesalahan yg sama tu.

Anggaplah, those ugly chapters of our past, is a reminder for us, to be better near future, insyaAllah.

Allah tetap sayang kita, walau banyak dosa yang kita lakukan dulu. Dia tetap bagi peluang, walaupun, kita dah abaikan dia dlm tempoh masa yang lama. Asalkan kita benar-benar bertaubat dan kembali pada-Nya, dan tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang lalu.

“Tuhanmu telah menetapkan atas diriNya kasih sayang, (yaitu) bahwasanya barangsiapa yang berbuat kejahatan di antara kamu lantaran kejahilan, kemudian ia bertaubat setelah mengerjakannya, dan mengadakan perbaikan, maka sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.” (Al An’aam: 54)

Malam itu, di tengah-tengah Puerto De Sol, dengan susasan hujan yang rintik-rintik membasahi bumi, saya berfikir sendirian;

Allah do loves us so much. Do we love Him, as much as He loves us?

Wallahualam.

"Jangan menilai seseorang itu berdasarkan sejarah hitamnya yang lalu..

kerana mungkin yang hitam itu adalah disebabkan kelekaannya pada masa yang lalu...

dan kerana mungkin yang hitam itulah yang membawanya kepada seorang yang hari INI...bukan lagi yang DAHULU KALA....

dan kerana hanya Allah sahaja yang layak meletakkan dirinya diMANA dia berada...bukan kita..."

- terjumpa dekat mana ntah, dah tak ingat. :)

thank you random spanish woman, and random spanish curly hair guy. you guys helped me to discover a meaning of something, that night. oh, and thanks for sharing your umbrella, with us. :) how i dua', that both of you will discover the beauty of Islam. Eternal serenity and the answers to all your confusion and questions, insyaAllah :)

#17

You knock, He opens. You attend, He welcomes. You ask, He gives. You sin, He tests, You repent, He forgives. You sin again. He forgives again. You cry, He listens. Everything you do, is about you; and everything He does, is about you. "So which of Allah’s favours will you deny?" [Quran Surah Al-Rahman 55:13]

subhanaAllah. is there anyone that can love you, more than He do?

p/s: thanks rom for this precious ayah! :)