i'm ok. i really am.

asal sume orang tanya?
saya ok. saya betul2 ok.

jangan risau.

saya takkan pendam sampai mental. hahaha. saya tahu tahap saya.
i'm just in an adapting phase.
insyaAllah nanti ok.
i have to be ok, for the ones i love.
:)

and i love you more. no matter how many times you tell me that you love me. :)

run baby run.

i'll run.
run as fast as i can
runaway from everyone.
runaway from myself.
i'd ran during pbl.
i'd ran along the coast.

i'll run
run to where my short feet leads me to
i'll pause at times
when my heart cant take it anymore
or my lung cant respire anymore.
but i'll never stop.
never stop.
:)

credit to in. http://syafinaz-aliiz.blogspot.com/
thank you. :)

firm

saya kena. kena juga firm.

tolonglah hur. for once in your lifetime, tolong jadi firm pada diri sendiri.

i do.

the more i know you,
the more i love you,
i'll never let go of you
you are the only one i can turn to.

oh please, please let this lasts forever.
i hope and pray it will.
insyaAllah. :)

^

dia datang dan pergi,
bila madah jadi layu,
bila hati jadi sayu.
bila hati sudah beku.

aku takkan diam membisu,
aku takkan tunggu.

patch adams.

i've watched old dogs. frankly, it was good. but it was not that great. robbin williams can do better. much better. his other movies are much much better than this. so, i thought of one. that's when i came across patch adams. i'd watched this movie before. it was when i was 10 or so. tapi dah lupa. ngee. :D

i straight away dowloaded this movie. pastu tengok balik. and my oh my, i completely forgot about this great great movie. it is one of the most inspiring, motivational, moving, touching movie of all.
if you really thought of being a doctor, you should, i mean must watch this movie. if you'd watched it before, watch it again, and again.

it's based on a true story, and if you care enough to wiki it, you know more.


Our job is improving the quality of life not just delaying death

“What's wrong with death sir? What are we so mortally afraid of? Why can't we treat death with a certain amount of humanity and dignity and decency and, God forbid, maybe even humor. Death is not the enemy, gentlemen. If we're going to fight a disease, let's fight one of the most terrible diseases of all, indifference.”

“If you focus on the problem, you can’t see the solution. Never focus on the problem.”

“Every human being has an impact on another.”

“You treat a disease, you win, you lose. You treat a person, I'll guarantee you'll win.”

see what no one else sees, see what everyone else chooses not to see…out of fear, conformity or laziness. see the world anew each day. See what others chose not to see.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you straightforwardly without complexities abide. I love you because I know no other way then this. So close that your hand, on my chest, is my hand. So close that when you close your eyes, I fall asleep.

and my best part is:

i want to become a doctor so that i can serve others. and because of that i lost everything, but i gain everything. i shared the lives of patients and staff members of the hospital. i laugh for them, i cry for them. this is what i want to do with my life. and with god as my witness, no matter what the outcome of your decision, i will still become the best damn doctor in the world has ever seen. you have the ability to prevent me from graduating, you can keep me from getting the tittle and the white coat, but you can't control my spirit gentlemen. you can't keep me from learning, you can't keep me from studying.

this is what i want to do with my life.

and yes. this is robbin williams's best movie yet.

madah dan pujangga bersama mu. :)

AMARAN:
Dialog tidak ada kena mengena dengan yang hidup ataupun mati. Hanya lakonan semata-mata.

untuk kesinambungan cerita sila ke laman ini. :p


T: jika kau menistakan kata2 mu
T: akan ku belah lautan berapi
T: ku robek hati yang lara
T: agar langit kembali tersenyum

H:sungguh manis kata-kata mu itu kanda
H: mampu buat dinda tersenyum buat masa yang lama
H: tapi apakan daya
H: kata2 kanda itu hanya buat sementara

T: sudah la
T: usah tersenyum tanpa brey zes mu
T: kanda x sudi melihat
T: tanpa besi2 dan geriji di gigi
T: manakan nampak silau cintamu itu
T: kanda lebih suka menatap wajah dinda jika masih bergeriji seperti dulu
T: kilauan lebih menyerlah
T: dan lebih yakin kanda kanda pada kasih dinda

H: apakah kanda tidak dapat menerima dinda seadanya?
H: hancur hati dinda mendengar madah2 mu ini kanda
H: seakan-akan kasih kanda pada dinda selama ini dusta belaka
H: masakan itukah kanda mencari dinda yang lain?
H: meninggalkan dinda keseorangan
H: semata-mata kerana dinda sudah tidak ber breyzes lagi

T: maaafkan kanda
T: kasih kanda hanyalah pada besi2 di gigi dinda
T: setelah di cabot
T: kanda tawar hati

H: sudahlah kanda
H: jika hanya sedalam itulah kasih kanda pada dinda
H: sampai sini sahajalah hubungan kita
H: cinta dinda pada kanda tidak disandarkan di atas apa2
H: hanya sebuah kasih yang cuti
H: malangnya tidak terbalas oleh kanda

T: cuti?
T: cuti?

H: *suci
H: silap2
H: hahaha

T: maafkan kanda
T: kanda x setia
T: setelah kanda mmpunyai isteri2 yang makin ramai
T: kanda keliru

H: takpe
H: dinda paham
H: dinda ingat kanda lain dari kekanda-kekanda yang lain di luar sana
H: rupanya kanda pun hanya manusia biasa

T: erk
T: kanda2 lain
T: ??
T: kau nusyuz!

H: owh
H: dinda ckap pasal kanda lain, kanda marah
H: owh, kanda curang takpe
H: dinda curang tak boleh
H: kekanda-kekanda tu mamat2 di luar sana
H: dinda membuat perbandingan kanda dengan mereka
H: rupa-rupanya kalian bergelar lelaki semua sama sahaja

T: kanda diharuskan berpoligami
T: kerana ingin mmbela nasib wanita2 malang diluar sana

H: sudahlah kanda
H: itu hanya alasan kanda
H: kalau niat kanda memang sebegitu ikhlasnya
H: dinda redhakan sahaja
H: dinda hanya mampu mendoakan kanda dari sini
H: dinda tidak sanggup bermadu kasih kanda
H: dinda tidak sanggup

T: erm
T: kini dinda pandai berkata2 ye
T: makin ku ragui kesetiaan dinda
T: tp
T: x pe lah...

H: haha.
H: jangan khuatir kanda
H: dinda setia menunggu kanda
H: tapi jikalau kanda mempermainkan perasaan dinda
H: ataupun dinda-dinda yang lain
H: nantikan lah keris taming sari dari kami
H: dinda hanya harap kanda berlaku adil sahaja terhadap kami (dinda-dinda sekalian)

T: baiklah.....
T: hhmm
T: nasihat kan dinda areqa untuk menghafal skrip
T: esok sudah masa nya

H: baiklah
H: perbualan kita hari ini rahsia
H: takut dinda yang lain attack dinda nanti
H: mati dinda kena belasah

T: baiklah
T: kanda bersumaph
T: *sumpah
T: jikalau dinda sendiri yang mmbocorkan rahsia ini
T: kekanda akan menyusul adinda
T: meminjak pada tanah yang sama
T: bernafas pada udara yang sama

H: dinda akan ingat kata-kata mu kanda
H: walaupun satu hari kita akhirnya akan berpisah jua
H: namun kenangan bersama takkan dilupa
H: ngee

perbualan terpaksa dihentikan kerana kanda kena menyiapkan juadah berbuka puasa. :P

:(

kalau ajal dan maut datang tanpa diduga,
kalau ajal dan maut itu di tangan-Mu
kalau ajal dan maut itu tak dapat dihalang,
kalau ajal dan maut itu sudah tiba,
kau jemputlah nyawa ku dalam keadaan ku bersedia dan beriman.

hanya kau lah tahu apa yang terbaik.
bukan untuk diriku sahaja, tapi bagi orang di sekeliling ku,
malah bagi seluruh umat manusia.


Biasanya kematian datangnya berturut-turut. mungkin bukan dalam hidup anda semua. tapi ianya bagi saya. kali terakhir saya mengalaminya semasa saya sekolah rendah dahulu. seorang demi seorang yang rapat dengan saya pergi meninggalkan dunia untuk selamanya. walaupun saya masih kecil, saya sudah paham. mungkin kerana saya yang sulung, ibu bapa saya tidak pernah menyimpan rahsia dari saya. mereka akan memastikan saya faham, apa makna kematian, apa makna kehidupan. kenapa orang meninggal, lepas meninggal pergi mana. maka, efek orang meninggal dunia amat mendalam pada saya.

saya melihat orang yang tersayang menghembuskan nafas yang terakhir di hadapan saya.
melihat allahyarham mengerah segala kudrat untuk mengucap dua kalimah syahadah.
melihat sekujur badan yang sudah tidak bernyawa.
melihat jenazah dimandikan, dikapankan.
apatah lagi, orang tu yang kita sayang.
orang yang kita kenal.

lagi sedih, kalau kita tak sempat nak menatap wajah arwah buat kali terakhir.
saya ingat masa saya umur 5 tahun, abah kepada abah saya meninggal. (atuk)
dia meninggal kat mekah.
abah saya sangat sedih. tapi dia tak nangis. saya tak pernah nampak abah saya nangis.
mungkin abah saya sebagai ketua keluarga tidak mahu menunjuk kesedihan di depan kami sekeluarga. mungkin dia nangis di belakang kami.
saya tanya juga mak saya, abah nangis ke tak. mak saya pun cakap, setau dia, tak pernah nampak lagi. sungguh cekal abah saya ni.

lepas atuk saya meninggal, abah saya selalu cerita tentang atuk saya. dia kata, walaupun saya tak sempat kenal arwah atuk dengan lebih mendalam, malah adik2 di bawah saya, ada yang tak sempat jumpa, abah mahu kami kenal, siapa atuk kami. apa yang atuk pernah buat. pengorbanan dia. walaupun saya kurang kenal atuk, kasih sayang saya tetap ada dalam hati. malah, semua kebun2 peninggalan atuk, abah saya tak pernah abaikan. walaupun dia selalu busy dengan kerja2 pejabat. abah kata, pokok yang ditanam semua adalah impian atuk. maka, dia rasa bertanggung jawab, dan ingin meneruskan impian atuk.

baru-baru ni, sekali lagi saya rasa berlakunya kematian yang datang berturut-turut.
tapi yang peliknya, kesemua allahyarham bukanlah yang rapat dengan saya.
tapi kenapa perasaan ini begitu mendalam.
malah, saya berasa risau.
amat risau.
sangatlah risau dengan mereka yang tersayang yang jauh dari saya.
saya paling takut mimpi.
alhamdulillah, setakat ni mimpi saya semua indah2 belaka apabila berkenaan dengan mereka.
lega hati jugak bila dapat mimpi pasal mereka.
nampak wajah2 mereka tersenyum bahagia.
mungkin saya rindu sangat kot.

sekarang ni bukan orang yang tua atau sakit je boleh meninggal,
yang muda2 macam kita ni pun boleh.
ajal dan maut tak kira usia.
dalam kita mengejar dunia, kadang-kadang kita alpa.
saya tahu. saya lah orangnya.
maka, kita sentiasa perbaiki diri, di samping mengejar duniawi ni sume.
selagi kita ada masa ni, gunakanlah ia dengan orang tersayang,
walau jarak beribu batu, tu bukan alasan.
janganlah take people and things for granted.
kita taknak menyesal di kemudian hari.


if everything is written for us,
and all we got to do, is do our best,
then there's no need to worry,
for allah always, always know what's best for us :)

bridge

it's the only way that connects you and me,
then why are we struggling to see,
of everything rather than it's beauty,
and still, we fail to foresee

begin with the end of mind.

Maka kerjaya mak saya sebagai seorang suri rumah ternyata tidak sia-sia. (selama ni pun mmg tak sia-sia). kerana pendapat nya boleh disamakan dgn orang-orang yang hebat di luar sana.

Saya akui, semasa saya pulang ke malaysia Sem yang lepas, perbualan kami antara anak dara dan ibunya tidak terlepas dari perkara-perkara dewasa.

Saya akui juga, sebenarnya saya kurang berminat dgn perkara yang terlalu dewasa. Lumrah alam, saya rasa saya masih muda, dan terlalu banyak perkara remeh yang lain yang saya fikirkan. Tetapi, setelah membaca satu post di sebuah blog yang tidak asing lagi, ia mengukuhkan teori dan pendapat mak saya.

Katanya, kita perlu bermula langkah dengan akhir di minda. atau dalam bahasa omputih nye "begin with the end of mind". Maksudnya, kita perlu ada visi dan misi dalam hidup kita, baru kehidupan kita terarah. ada tujuan. Saya lebih berminat dengan contoh-contoh yang dikemukakan oleh penulis blog.

“Kamu bercita-cita nak jadi apa bila dewasa nanti?”, saya bertanya kepada salah seorang peserta kursus motivasi. Baru tingkatan empat.

“Saya nak jadi doktor”, jawabnya penuh yakin. “Bagus. Kenapa nak jadi doktor?”, saya cuba menguji adik yang seorang ini.

“Saya suka menolong orang. Gembira melihat orang gembira”, katanya. “Apa yang kamu mesti lakukan untuk memastikan kamu boleh menjadi doktor?”, saya bertanya lagi.

“Oh, kena straight A”™s dalam subjek teras Sains. Biologi, Kimia, Fizik, Matematik Tambahan”¦”, jawabnya. “Lagi?”, saya terus bertanya.

“Ko-kurikulum kena cemerlang. Kepimpinan mesti bagus”, sambung pelajar pintar tersebut.

“Itu sahaja? Ada apa-apa lagi yang tertinggal?”, saya menyambung soalan.

“Itu sahaja rasanya. Kenapa ustaz?”, pelajar tersebut mula rasa kurang selesa.

“Tadi kamu kata kamu suka menolong orang lain. Semua persediaan yang kamu sebutkan tadi, adalah untuk kamu menolong orang lain. Tetapi kamu tidak boleh menolong orang lain sebelum kamu menolong diri kamu sendiri!”, saya berkongsi pandangan.

“Maksud ustaz?”, pelajar tersebut semakin bingung. “Bagaimana dengan kemahiran memasak? Mengemas rumah? Melipat kain? Melayan kanak-kanak?”, saya melontar idea.

“Apa kena mengenanya semua itu dengan menjadi seorang doktor?”, tanya pelajar tersebut.

See.... percayalah adik. perkara-perkara tersebut memang penting. malah lecturer terhebat di dunia, mahupun buku medik terhebat pun tidak dapat mengajar kita perkara-perkara tersebut. Tapi apakah signifikan nya kemahiran tersebut di dalam hidup kita?

“Satu hari nanti, kamu tentu akan berkeluarga. Berkahwin dan beranak pinak. Kalau kamu hanya cekap menolong orang lain sebagai seorang doktor, tetapi gagal menolong diri sendiri sebagai seorang isteri dan ibu, akhirnya kehidupan kamu akan tunggang langgang. Orang lain Baiti Jannati. Kamu nanti Baiti Naari! Naudhubillah”, saya membuat kesimpulan.

“Betul ke ustaz?”, tanya pelajar tersebut.

Betul dik. Mak akak pun cakap camtu. mak semua orang cakap camtu kot. Sama ada nak dengar ke tak nak. Lagi-lagi anak dara.

yang lebih saya tertarik;

“Ya, semasa isteri saya menghadiri temuduga Master untuk menjadi doktor pakar, soalan yang ditanya oleh penemuduga, semuanya tentang rumahtangga. Bila rancang nak ada anak ketiga, suami dah pandai masak atau tidak dan sebagainya”, saya tersenyum.

Doktor yang baik dan hebat ialah mereka yang dapat menguruskan kerjaya, agama rumahtangga dan keluarga dengan baik. Tu tak termasuk mak bapak mertua lagi. Nak jaga hati kakak abang ipar lagi. Anak sedara apa kes. Sepupu sepapat semua. Bila dah kahwin, semua benda kena amik kira. Ingat senang ke? Unless kita memang dah merancang untuk membujang sepanjang hayat which is Islam sendiri tak galakkan.

Sesiapa yang merancang nak sambung belajar sambil kahwin, lagi susah owwhh. Tapi it's possible. Sebab ramai yang dah berjaya buat pon. Life is a never ending learning process. kalau dah bercucu-cicit pun, apa salahnya kita masih lagi belajar di universiti pun. Janji perkara lain tidak terabai.

Hari ini mudah benar anak dara pergi ke universiti dan seterusnya menjadi seorang doktor, jurutera dan lain-lain, dalam keadaan satu apa pun skill rumahtangga tidak diketahuinya. Semuanya diuruskan oleh bibik dan supir. Yang lelaki usah kiralah…

Para pelajar yang kaya A hari ini, mesti dibantu untuk melihat keseluruhan hidupnya di masa hadapan. Jangan hanya bijak akademik tetapi tidak bersedia menempuh realiti hidup. Untuk menjadi seorang yang berjaya di masa hadapan, bukan hanya akademik yang jadi bekalan. Sikap, kemahiran hidup dan kematangan dalam membuat keputusan harian, adalah sesuatu yang sering hilang prioriti. Oleh itu, gambaran akhir terhadap sesuatu itu mesti diambil kira.

Jadi anak dara sekalian yang mengambil medik mahupun apa-apa kerjaya anda,, take note ok. Anak teruna pun perlu take note juga. Ini merujuk kepada diri saya sendiri juga. Ya mama, saya sedang mencuba. :P

Tapi yang paling penting sebenarnya, bak kata penulis blog, pengakhiran yang akhir sekali. Ya, perancangan dunia memang penting, tetapi akhirat sama penting nya. Kerana di penghujung nanti, yang paling penting ialah keseimbangan dunia dan akhirat kita. Maka, semua benda perlu lah seimbang. Bukan berat badan je nak kene seimbang. :)

even still

even if i dreamed of you,
the sweetest dream will never do,
i still miss you,
and i don't want to miss a thing.

part of your world :)

i have this feelings when i listen to this song.
the kind of urge to hear it more and more.
when i close my eyes when listening to it, it gets better.

it feels like the wind touches my face gently,
and my hair blew softly, just surrendering to the direction of the wind,
it's like walking on the beach alone,
and i can have the vast sea all by myself,
my own.

and my heart beats gracefully,
following the melody,
my mind sets calmly,
there's nothing to think about,
nothing to worry,
i just get drift away with each note.

feels like flying in the air,
and never to set my feet on the ground again.
as if i am able to breath again after having a bad stuffy nose,
as if the world becomes a better place to live in.

and when it all ended in a perfect way that a song could ever end,
i just start it all over again.



this video tak abis. dunno why this person tak upload abis2. but i got the complete song. it's one of my old childhood songs, masa tgh gila2 dgn duyung dulu. tapi never heard of this particular instrumental version. and i dare say, it's one of the best.

i know it's kind of lame, but lame is my last name :p

sekejap?

sekejap ke? memang.
memang tak dinafikan.
pejam celik, tgk lusa dah sabtu.
adoi.
sekejap pun, saya rasa dah cukup.
cukup utk melepaskan rindu yang terpendam.
cukup utk buat saya tersenyum lebar.
cukup utk buat mereka senyum lebar.

sekarang ni cerita dodol.
ok. mesti tak paham.
american idol.
memang kalau dulu2, tatkala rumah ini penuh dgn anak2 dara,
maka ini merupakan aktiviti malam minggu, atau malam yg ada nya citer ni la.
tapi saya dah tak follow bape taun dah
dah bape johan dia yang saya tak kenal.
sekarang ni, kalau kami takde, maka hanya sepasang merpati sejoli je yang menonton nya.
tu pun kalau abah tak penat. malam ni, nampak macam dia penat.
kerana semua anak dara dah lari, kata mama.
bukan lari, cuma menjalankan amanah.
tapi sekembali nya saya ke tanah air tercinta, amanah kepada mereka berdua, akan saya teruskan. sekarang pun jalankan amanah juga, cuma berjauhan buat sementara.

tak kira la bape dodol saya dah tertinggal,
i think i will keep on counting it.
satu hari nanti, orang pun akan bosan dgn dodol,
maka wujudnya pelbagai realiti tv show yang lain.

eh, sedap la dia ni nyanyi.
ryan seacrest senyum manisss....
dia ni tak tua-tua ke? hahaha.

:P

you're gonna miss this.

sila klik sini.


pakcik ni suara dia macho. pakcik ni memang macho pon. huhu.

ok. jangan salah anggap. walaupun taste ak macam pakcik2 tua, ak taknak de rampas bapak korang. tolong jangan salah anggap. bukan taste aku orang tua, taste aku ialah orang yang ada naluri kebapaan ok. paham. mesyi? huhu.

She was staring out that window, of that SUV

Complaining, saying I can't wait to turn 18

She said I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules

Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school

Then she kissed her head and said I was just like you


-Chorus-
You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These Are Some Good Times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this



Before she knows it she's a brand new bride

In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by

He tells her It's a nice place

She says It'll do for now

Starts talking about babies and buying a house

Daddy shakes his head and says Baby, just slow down


Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater

Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'

One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'

She keeps apologizin'

He says They don't bother me.

I've got 2 babies of my own.

One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but ...

lyric dia sgt best2. macam cepatnye masa berlalu.
poom pang, poom pang, tgk2 dah bulan 8. maka cik hur akan jadi 20. fuhh. tua tu. seyes tua.
i wish the time will not fly as fast as this.
bila membe tanya, hur ko bape taun lagi nak abis. and i was like... 4 years and half lagi. gosh. 4 years and a half lagi? rse macam bru semalam jejak kaki kat alex ni. ceh. teringt 1st year plak.

bila dulu2 teringt, nanti dah besar,nak jadi doktor, nak tolong banyak sangat pakcik makcik kat kampung, nak ada kete sendiri, nak ada umah sendiri, taknak dah guna duit mama abah, nak carik yang sendiri punya, belanja diowg shopping plak. nak beli baju cantik2, nak bawak abah mama g jalan2 satu dunia, haihh, macam2 la berangan. and when one day i come to that point, i wonder, what did i really achieved?

bila umur meningkat, maksudnya, kita tak cukup masa lagi. maka use it wisely. tapi again. pakcik trace adkins ni cakap, you're gonna miss everything that you have now. so why dont u take it slow, enjoy every moment, and see how it goes. :) sebab satu hari, what i have now, all my friends that i have now, one day, suma akan pergi membawa haluan masing2. as much as i don't want them too, i don't have choice, have i? nothing lasts forever. jadi, be prepare. tapi takpe. takyah cite2 sedih kat sini. sebab i'll have my own way to go jugak nanti. :) that is what life is all about.

ok. anis dah nak siap masak. maka perjuangan biochem bersambung.

spread your wings on me. pleaseeee.

ok. dah tenang sikit.
maybe i shouldn't bother much.
maybe, it is a coincidence after all.
definitely. mama pun dah buat hur lega sikit.
let me focus on these last 2 papers.
sebab there's something beautiful awaits me at the end.
something really beautiful







ni ada 3 je. mana lagi sorang kan? hehe. dia tak leh join sebab tak muat.


yang suka baca buku, dan yang suka makan, lagi-lagi skang ni bila da pandai masak sampai asik sumbat mama makan jugak je. kamu kalau nak makan nugget, makan sorang2. jangan sumbat kat mama ngan abah. tak elok. mama ngan abah kene kurangkan minyak. yang kamu pun sama. nak kene banyak penyakit ke nanti? :p tapi kalau banyak exercise, takpe banyak makan. (ececeh kak hur cakap orang, dia pon sama je)

kami berempat ni memang orang tak tau mana satu sulung, mana bongsu. tu yang best tu. hehe. sume sama besar, sama tinggi. ni baru la girls over flowers. azmi's version. since abah pun k-addict kan? hahaha.
yang tak putus-putus mendoakan hur. yang tak berhenti-henti kerja kuat.
tell me, am i not lucky enough? :)
thank you Allah.

is there something that i missed?

sesuatu
memang ada sesuatu.
tapi saya tak tahu.
dan saya rasa takut dan resah.
macam ada satu petunjuk tapi tak dapat nak ditafsirkan.
atau mungkin hanya satu lagi perasaan,
yang saya tak patut layan.

saya harap ia berhenti. sebab saya sudah penat.

wish list

mama told me to do a wish list.

write it on a piece of paper, and put it on my wall,
so that everytime i wake up from sleep,
the first thing i see is the things that i wanna be,
a few years from now.

but i don't know why,
i don't feel like doing it.
it's not that i think it's lame, seriously no,
i used to love those kind of stuff,
of course i do,
i love to berangan. hehe
and i don't care of what people think of my wishes,
and i have no problem to make it public.

maybe, i see as my future as unclear for now.
i know i want to be a doctor.
that's all i want to do since i was a little girl.
but that's it. i just don't feel like thinking any further.
or maybe, i just want to keep it to myself.

the diary that used to be my best friend pon dah terabai. haha.
maybe i'm busy and stuff.
or i just dont have the time to berangan anymore.
or berangan is not that fun anymore.
or i am enjoying my real friends so much,
haha. trying to think every possibility, sometimes, i feel it's just a waste of time.

i used to tell someone, diary was my place of telling every secrets and feelings of mine.
now, i guess my secrets are kept inside, and my feelings are poured in to this blog.
which i cannot make everything so public, can i? :P

and when i read all my previous writings in the diary,
since i've been writing for quite a long time,
i realise, the reason i am where i am today,
is because of all my visualisations of my future,
all my berangan punya stuffs,
all my dreams
which i pretty much wrote all of it inside my diary.
that's how i reach up to this level.
by berangan. it works out for me.

bukanlah semua yg i wish to happen tu came true.
in fact, allah granted my wishes in a way that i never ever imagined before.
i said i want to study medic. but never did it crossed my mind it will be in egypt.
i said, i love to have wonderful friends, and never did i thougt the word wonderful is like what my friends are today.
i said, i want to be happy, and that includes all my loved ones to be happy too,
and never did i thought in what ways can all of us be happy.

so, in the end, again, haha, allah knows what's best.
and yes mama, i think i should write it. a wish list of what i wanted to be,
a goal, a vision, a visualisation, a mission,
and i'll try my very best to achieve it,
and let say if i don't, i'll take it as there is always something else better for me.
of course this must be seiring dgn doa dan tawakkal kan. :P

life is short, so why don't you make it seems like it is like a little bit longer? :P

taggy dari sayang

dah lama tak wat tag2 nii.. rndu la plak. :P

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 23 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you.

At the end, choose 5 people to be tag

1. sekarang saya tengah exam. dan seperti biasa, you know what exam do to us kan. tapi this time punye exam, i feel tenang. alhamdulillah sgt. tak kesa la pasal result. ketenangan itu, yang susah untuk dicari. :)

2. dulu saya benci nama saya. tapi sekarang saya rasa, saya perlu live up to my name. "HUR" now, that's a big responsibility. :p thnks kepada orang yang memberi nama saya. sekarang baru saya paham. :)

3. currently afgan, afgan, afgan. haha. *blushing*

4. dah tengok hana yori dango berjuta-juta kali. sampai dah hafal.

5. "life is too short"-kata2 mak areqa yang menusuk kalbu bukan hanya saya tapi seluruh housemates. thank you aunty haslina. :)

6. i'm looking forward for my winter hols. so, i can go back where i belong. let me sleep in a long sweet dream for a while and be prepare for sem4 and reality. :p

7. i cry as much as i laugh. maka, kdg2 orang ingat saya gila. sebab sekejap gelak, sekejap nangis.

8. saya jiwang. anda susah?

9. saya suka nyanyi. kalau tak suke, sila pergi. :p

10. saya banyak tido. boleh juga tido di mana jua kalau penat tahap maksima.

11. orang cakap saya baik sangat. saya kata, "mungkin orang lain yang jahat sgt kot" . haha.

12. saya tak suka orang kasihan kat saya. sebab saya tough (bak kata muiz)

13. saya ada 4 girls dalam rumah yang saya sayang walaupun slalu gaduh.

14. saya banyak kawan. tapi kawan2 belakang kuliah handasah is something else, sebab diowg special in their own way.

15. saya tak penah jumpa syeikh yang boleh menarik perhatian saya seperti syeikh yang saya tak tau ap nama dy. omg. kene cepat. kelas dy dah nak start.

16. saya tak suka tipu.

17. saya suka orang yang berterus-terang. they got guts.

18. anis kata, baca microbe macam baca berita.

19. saya sayang sangat kawan-kawan saya. no matter what.

20. saya tak pernah benci orang. saya tak tipu.

21. saya rasa hidup ini sangat indah. so, open your eyes. you might missed important details.

22. saya rindu and sayang sayang sangat kat mama, abah dan 3 mok mok. :p

23. abah saya suruh saya tolong dia kat kebun dia yang dah laen sekarang (bak kata mama saya) saya cakap, it's always my pleasure.

kepada nani yang tag saya. sayang. i love you. i tahu kadang2 i curang. tapi u tetap di hati i. (ayat player tak?) haha. tapi you kene paham la, sebab kasih sayang ni diberi sama rata dengan sayang2 saya yang laen. :p harap sayang paham. huhu

A

A is for Allah

it's amazing.
so amazing.
how so many things happened to you,
how many things that you knew
in just one night,
and it can all change your perspectives of life.

i admit. i'm full of philosophy, and princips,
and yes, my ego is sky high.
but i learned something important today.
something that could contradict with my own identity.
something undescribeable.

thank you for those involved today.
i'm so happy to have you guys in my life.
and i appreciate the open-ness of these people.

and above all, time is always the best solution.
we need time to grow,
to learn,
to feel,
to heal,
to realise,
and allah already put everything in it's order,
who are we to bother?

thank you allah, for all the things that happen to me.
whether it's bad or not.
i really thank YOU for that.
i've learned a lot. a lot.
with every tears that i cried,
i never regret it. not a single drop.
it makes me all stronger. all stronger.
for me to face the real world outside.

and whenever i feel so weak,
feel so alone,
i know i have you Allah.
and i put all my trust on you.
and all my love for people is nothing to my love for you.

because i love, because of Allah.
and that's all i do :)
and only Allah knows what's inside of me.
only Allah knows.

i don't care if people don't trust me,
or hate me,
i won't do the same thing to them.
for i always, always believe that,
the goodness and the bad things are only for Allah to judge.

and because of that, i love to love.
and i won't let a single hatred planted in my heart.
i don't care if i'm hurt, because Allah never leave me alone.
insyaAllah.

and in the end, Allah always know what's best. and i'll never stop believe in HIM.
never stop :)

of all the sweet words and lines.

This is a poem written by me and Hur. For Aina, Aisya and ourselves.

Me : Stars shining on your face
Hur :With a smile i can't embrace
Me :Sweet voice you whisper
Hur :With kind words i hear
Me :Holding hands all day long
Hur :True friends we will stay
Me :Tears we share
Hur :I'll be there
Me :Love is us and it is real
Hello? Is anybody there?
Hur :I'm here now don't you worry
Do not waste tears for a guy like him
I know there is someone out there waiting

Created by Hur and Amy
15 Jan 2007
During Agama

I know its like a tacky poem but haha what the heck we were bored to death. We were in Agama class. Ustaz always aim for Hur and me. So we use to exchange notes to each other.haha. Hur never had guy trouble. I always did for some weird reason the guy i fall for is unique. hehe :) I miss you guys in MRSM so much. You guys had been great. Knowing people like you exist give me hope. I wish you all the best in life though things have changed i have changed. I will cherish our friendship til the end.

This is from amy's blog.
owh my, aku dah takde lagi da all these sweet poems. by time, i think my sweet sweet words pon akn hilang kot. most probably, i don't believe in fairy tales lagi da. as much as i don't want it to be, i'm learning to open up to the real world. the reality.

tapi ble bce balik this poem, it brings me back to the old days. the days when i believe there is true love for me somehow, somewhere. someone. yes. if u call me jiwang skng, dulu lagi teruk.

i dun read text books, i read romantic novels. i love to lepak kat library, but all i do is reading all the mushy poems, and all. and when i was inspired, all i did was jotted it down on my notebook. or yours, or aina's. haha. when someone got her heart's broken, i wrote a line or two, and give it to her so that she knew that, there is always someone else for her.

when all my girlfriends are having real love story, all i do is just dream about it. in my own world. because i just don't like the reality. nak usyar mamat pun, tak kuasa. and then, they went like, hur is sooo picky. and my excuse is always like " i like someone older. matured maybe. " hahaha.

but the truth is, i just like to keep it low. i like my own tiny world. and i'm not ready to share it with anyone.

now that i'm older, haha, i guess a bit matured. i have to stop living in denial. i want to step out of my own world, and have a little bit taste of reality. and yes. reality hurts so much. i might still be a little bit mushy, but i'll save it for the one who really deserves it. and for now, i'm seriously enjoying myself with medic and friends.

owh, and amy, i heard you already have a boyfie. it's great to know that you finally can open up your heart again for someone. but make sure, he's all worth it. huhu.

and amy, the reason that i don't have a guy problem, is because i don't have a guy to go with it. haha. i guess at that time, i was not into it at all. maybe i was jiwang. but that was it. huhu.

and maybe, when i finished with medic and all, or when i'm not so busy anymore, i'll get back to my mushy stuffs. but for now, i'm enjoying reality itself, no matter how hard it is. i'll face it. because i have great friends and family to help me deal with it. and that's all i need. :)

we might had changed, but the memories we had planted in our hearts for life. :)

love you amy, love you gemuk.

to aisya and aina, i miss you and love you as equal as amy. sume dah bawak haluan masing2. but i want you guys to know, i'm still in ssc club. see, i'm a loyal and devoted ahli. :P