giving up?? so not going to.

biochemistry,, checked.
anatomy,,checked.
2 down, 5 papers to go.


strange, but i used to love exams.
seriously.
you don't have to bring textbooks to school.
a few pencils, pens, a ruler would be enough.
don't have to listen to the teachers' voice which sounds like a lullaby to me.
no homeworks.
and come back home early.

but now, i'm not so sure about it.
yes, the advantages are still there.
except that now that things are getting tougher,
exam is not a bliss anymore.

ok, i nearly give up.
after biochem, i felt like i was soo stupid.
i did read the books.
i did the past year qs'
i discussed with my friends.
but why are the questions are so hard, that my brain is alrdy squeezed to the max,
and i gain nothing out of it.
it came to me that, maybe now i am turning to be soo stupid, that even if i read the book thousand times, it will never get inside my head.
i really felt stupid.
brainless.
at one point, i felt like quitting at that instance,
buy a ticket,
go back to malaysia,
get into any prvate college,
take another easier course, like way easier than this one,
and maybe,
i said, maybe,
live happily.
or not.

like what mama told me,
any course would be tough.
nothing is easy.
no pain, no gain.
u want it, work for it.
but what if i already worked my butt off,
ok, not really,
but i did worked hard, like i never did before,
and the result is, well,
not like what i expcted.

so, after a long hot bath,
i finally get back to my senses,
and i fortunately,
decided that, whatever the outcomes of this exam,
i'm going to accept it with all my heart.
with all my heart.
i sooooo don't want to fail.
i want to go back this summer.
i just going to do my thing,
and the rest is up to Allah.
after all, He is the One who put me here.
and i'm sure,
100% sure, that there's a reason for it.

even if i'm going to get the worse result among my friends,
the worse result among the others,
i'm not going to give up.
never.