forever in my life

it's the odds. could be.

i've been facing a few struggle with my emotions that put me on test physically, and spiritually.
only to find out that i am weak.
something that is pretty obvious for everyone to see, but not to me.
the thing is, you will never know whether you are strong or weak, until Allah put you on THE TEST.
the level of your strength depends on the severity or the hardship (is much more suitable) of THE TEST.
the harder it is, the stronger you are
but the thing is, just like an examination test, it just cannot determine whether you are smart or not. what makes
THE TEST any different at all? kan?

so i conclude it to one thing,
macam lagu miley cyrus tu,
it aint about how fast i get there,
it aint about what's waiting on the other side,
it's the CLIMB.

it doesnt matter what the end result is,
because that is not your job to predict what the future have for you,
that is allah's job.
so, why dont you put strong faith in Him, and let Him do his job.
and you do yours, that is to work and pray hard.
at the same time, have a little bit fun, so you wont turn out dull.
if the end result is all well, alhamdulillah. you will appreciate things more, because you had worked for it.
you won't take it for granted.
but if it didn't turn out good, then it's ok.
at least you will not regret, because you know you had tried.
and it's simple, it is NEVER MEANT TO BE.
meaning there is something outside there that is just better for you,
but you had not discover it, because it's not the time YET.

i know i look like a helpless soul.
A few close friends tell me that i really look pitiful.
that they hope they can do something for me.
and make my days all right.

i like the idea of people concerning about me.
but the idea that they have on me, is, well, it is definitely something else.
my friends are not the first ones, i have my mother telling me the same thing.
that i need to be a tougher weed. that i am all mushy and softy. eeew. haha.

i know i am a bit fragile. but people should not protect my feelings at all.
i love to accept some frankness from people. i like honest people.
it might hurt, but it wont kill me.
if i dont know the truth, how the hell am i going to improve. (did i just cakap hell. wonder from where did i learn it from. :P)

a few months before, my mother told me that i had loose my optimism.
i cannot deny it, cause i know i was so pessimist.
but the idea is NOT TO GIVE UP.
not on yourself, not on ALLAH.

now i think HUR IS BACK.
a girl fill with dreams and hopes,
never fear to dream and hope for more,
and when the dreams are shattered,
it's ok to be hurt for a while,
and continue to dream.

just like how i get here,
it's all not just about hard work, its about visualising it, dreaming about it.
hoping for it.
at least that is what my parents taught me.
especially abah. he said successful people are those with dreams, those who visualize their goals, and future.

only now, i think i've turn out to be stronger,
i know life is not a fairy tale.
but if you dug deeper, you will learn a lot from a fairy tale.
there is just more than rainbows and butterflies, and prince charming, and evil witch.
it is so much more than that.

and i know, somewhere, somehow, my own fairy tale is waiting for me,(minus the prince charming of course. too charming can create a big mess.haha)
that i need to create my own, it is not something to be discover.

do not afraid to dream,
do not fear of hoping,
do not run away from love,
do not afraid of giving love (eventhough people dont love you back)
do not hate,
do not scared of getting yourself hurt.
because you will be just fine.
it wont kill you.
(unless you planning on comitting suicide which is why we are protected with our iman)

and so, the 2nd year is closing down it's curtain. we are near to the end. just another big speed bump for us to overcome.
that is the final exam of course.
and soon, it will be just another fruitful 4 years more to go. :P

a lot of people telling me that the 3rd year will be much more easier.
well, i dont care. if it is, it's a good thing alhamdulillah.
but if it's not, i'm willing to face and take it as another challenge.
i love new adventure.
i always do. :)

and when everything else fails,
and if you really got no one to turn to (which is so impossible, because i have such wonderful people here to be by my side through thick and thin),
remember that Allah is always there for you.
put your strongest FAITH on Him

thank you to all who help me to get through this year.
it is not a battle for me only, but for all of us.
it's great that we have each other shoulders to lean on.
and it's greater that all of us made it through just fine.
:)

p/s: nothing lasts forever. enjoy, while it lasts. :)