the biggest thank of allllll :)

dear Allah,

when i first make the decision, i swear i was afraid.
the consequences,
the aftermath,
how other people will deal with it,
can everyone accept this,
can everyone still be happy with this.

of course, i never thought of myself.
it was the ones that i love that i thought of.

i ended up crying everyday, everynight,
trying to search for the right choice,
trying to find at least just a piece of calmity.

i beg and i pray,
reminiscence about those moments,
it brings me all the memories back,
just thinking about it,
making me feels like dropping a tear or two.

and it is as if You comfort me,
and tells me it's ok,
it's ok, if other people do not understand,
it's ok, if at first, everything will not be as what you expect,
it's ok, to feel the pain at first
it is always ok,
because, everything will insyaAllah turns out right.

Now that i am here, at this phase,
surprisingly, i still drop a tear or two,
but this time, it's because, i have so much sweetness in my happiness.
knowing that i'd chose a right decision,
and for once in my life, i stop to think of what looks good only on the surface,
i start to dig deeper of the essence of life.

i never regret of what i did in the past.
i know, i only learn by my own mistakes.
now i genuinely believe in my abah quotation saying
"jangan takut untuk susah. jalan susah, lagi banyak nikmatnya"
and along the way, i do find the nikmat.

and now that my mama tells me i am a worrier, and also a warrior.
i dont mind of the worrier.

and now i do believe in Irna's advice for me,
"to live beyond expectations"

haha. ye. banyak expectation. tapi jgn takde langsung. mesti ada, tapi to live beyond it. :) good one.

to mama, abah and su su, sila doakan kakhur banyak2 depan kaabah tu ye. bila kak hur ada rezeki pegi sana plak insyaAllah, i'll do the same for you guys. :)

and now that i had face hardship, i'm not fear of facing more of it. because at the end of every hardship, there is an everlasting happiness :)

anthrax- "i come in war"

i am really fond of this anthrax thingy. my last summer vacation was filled with documentary programs which i'd watched while lipat kain in front of the tv. i know, i know. knowledge-wise housewife. konon.

so, this one program is about the deadliest microorganisms ever. there, they listed the top 10 deadliest bacteria on earth and this include yersinia, ebola virus and of course, the number one listed there is b.anthracis. and yes, it is associated with biological warfare. interesting.

i did googled about this anthrax and war thingy, and yeah, they'd made another big hit out of this story. a documentary movie called "anthrax war". search it in youtube. fascinating indeed.

Note: when you type the key search in the youtube search engine, make sure you type it as in "anthrax war". if you type as in 'anthrax' only, without the war, you'll end up watching metal music videos.

and so, another interesting fact, malaysia is associated with this anthrax vaccine's research thingy. i no need to further explain, as it might bores you. a lot. so if you might be interested somehow, go and read this article. malas nak comment pape on this one. baca je la.

this. is not how an anthrax patient looks like. it's a metal band who is apparently enjoys anthrax study session as much as i do.


now this, is how, an anthrax patient looks like.


and this is how anthrax attacks.

this whole biological warfare is not a new thing. it has been going on for a while. and there are other microbes are used for the same purpose. e.g: yersinia pestis, Burkholderia pseudomallei.
and yes, it is tremendously very dangerous. it works better than nuclear bomb for sure, for it is like a silence death.

of course i am worried of what's going around in our world today.

"you must undertand that the human race stands at a critical turning point in terms of biofare technology. we are at risk now, as i speak"-uuuuuu. scary tak. this one is quoted from the 'anthrax war'

i thought of writing this whole post emotionally, but i choose not to. not today. i just dont feel like it. :p

and if i keep on writing on this specific topic, i'll end up writing a report for microbe's assignment which i think is due in another few months perhaps. so, i better not.

and hence, i think, baccilus anthracis is just another cute simple creature created by Allah s.w.t which i am sure has a purpose of it's existence. dont you think?

ok, not that cute. i guess :p