the biggest thank of allllll :)

dear Allah,

when i first make the decision, i swear i was afraid.
the consequences,
the aftermath,
how other people will deal with it,
can everyone accept this,
can everyone still be happy with this.

of course, i never thought of myself.
it was the ones that i love that i thought of.

i ended up crying everyday, everynight,
trying to search for the right choice,
trying to find at least just a piece of calmity.

i beg and i pray,
reminiscence about those moments,
it brings me all the memories back,
just thinking about it,
making me feels like dropping a tear or two.

and it is as if You comfort me,
and tells me it's ok,
it's ok, if other people do not understand,
it's ok, if at first, everything will not be as what you expect,
it's ok, to feel the pain at first
it is always ok,
because, everything will insyaAllah turns out right.

Now that i am here, at this phase,
surprisingly, i still drop a tear or two,
but this time, it's because, i have so much sweetness in my happiness.
knowing that i'd chose a right decision,
and for once in my life, i stop to think of what looks good only on the surface,
i start to dig deeper of the essence of life.

i never regret of what i did in the past.
i know, i only learn by my own mistakes.
now i genuinely believe in my abah quotation saying
"jangan takut untuk susah. jalan susah, lagi banyak nikmatnya"
and along the way, i do find the nikmat.

and now that my mama tells me i am a worrier, and also a warrior.
i dont mind of the worrier.

and now i do believe in Irna's advice for me,
"to live beyond expectations"

haha. ye. banyak expectation. tapi jgn takde langsung. mesti ada, tapi to live beyond it. :) good one.

to mama, abah and su su, sila doakan kakhur banyak2 depan kaabah tu ye. bila kak hur ada rezeki pegi sana plak insyaAllah, i'll do the same for you guys. :)

and now that i had face hardship, i'm not fear of facing more of it. because at the end of every hardship, there is an everlasting happiness :)