excess happiness

once, i told one of my best friends that i feel guilty, when i'm happy.

my usual daily days *min zaman yakni* are like a roller coaster ride. there's up and down, here and then. mama used to tell me, "don't be so stress out. do not burn yourself out. you don't have to carry the world on your shoulder. you're still young. you don't have to age so early".

probably, i did aged too early. i don't usually click in the normal conversations with my peers of same age are having. i had a friend telling me, my tastes in everything are just like her granny. and what i have in my mind, well, i don't dare to express it, most of the time. *really, you don't want to know*

and so, if i feel so happy, i felt guilty. as in, "why am i feeling so happy?". i believe, if i feel so happy right now, i might receive bad news then. from my previous past history, my brain planted this theory firmly.

and so, i did some emotion control every now and then.

an "emotional check", is what i called it. i set an emotion parameter. if it's somehow above or below the average, quickly, i do a deep inhalation, and do some other various stuffs and insyaAllah, eventually, it will be back to it's normal level.

This theory that i'm having is definitely not rigid at all. Obviously, as human beings, we can't really control our emotions all the time. Sometimes, your brain can't process all the information that gushes in all at once, and alas, you have an unplanned reaction. A pure reaction originates from your heart or most probably your "nafs", without your brain interfering with it.

I realised now, that whatever emotion one is having, whether it is excess or little, good or bad, one have no control most of the time. with time and experiences, we may train ourselves to have some control. but really, how many of us can really do this.

therefore, i concluded above all the theories from one simple stand. that everything comes from Allah, which means, everything originates from Him is a good thing. so is happiness, or even sadness. it's never wrong to feel happy, it's not bad feeling sad, it's ok to worry, and it's normal that sometimes, you feel angry.

acknowledge that each emotions comes for a reason. don't straight away react with the feeling that you are having. at least, stop and think, and analyze this emotion that you are having. the best way is to visualize the consequences of your every detail actions. how it will affects yourself, how it affects the people around you; your friends & family, whether it affects your studies, and definitely, will it affect your future? In case you have problems visualizing it, then remember this, will Allah like it if you react this way. will He bless your reaction towards your emotion?

i've learned that it's okay to feel happy. it's one of the nikmah in this world. you should enjoy this nikmah, so that you are motivated to aspire Jannah. if you enjoy being happy in this world, the happiness in Jannah is, MasyaAllah, greatly beyond your imagination. the key is to learn how to react with this excessive emotion that you are having. yes, bad news, may come along after happiness just as after the sun shines, rain comes along. however, remember that after it rains heavily, beautiful colourful rainbow comes along. mashaAllah, the thoughts of rainbow, flutters my heart so much, i probably end up with atrial fibrillation. :p

May allah always bless the feelings that i'm having, all the time :)

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“And that it is He (Allah) Who makes (whom He wills) laugh, and makes (whom He wills) weep”

- (Surah An-Najm 53:43)