Summer is here, and all I hear is raindrops.

75 days

6,480,000 seconds

108,000 minutes

1800 hours

10 weeks 

Studying ophthalmology is one of the etiology for strabismus/squint?

There are few things that I've learned these past few weeks.

1. It is wrong for one to read Gatsby during Charity Dinner. That's just so rude. Even if it's The Great Gatsby, this is no excuse. Socialize politely.
2. IBS literally spoils it all. Dealing with stress seems harder these days. I thought I already overcome this IBS thingy. 
3. My lacrimal gland is abnormally big. It's healthy btw, Alhamdulillah
4. I should get out from my comfort zone. 
5. But I don't think I'm ready. 
6. And that's just another lame excuse from me.

Bye.

Datang & Pergi.

Ahhh. Gelora dalam jiwa. Siapa tahu?
Nah, kalau aku cerita, ada kau boleh bantu? 
Sakit aku, sakit aku. Bukan kau yang di tempat aku. 
Empati kau tinggi gunung? Peduli apa aku. 

Dan demi sesungguhnya! Kami tetap menguji kamu (wahai orang-orang yang mengaku beriman) sehingga ternyata pengetahuan Kami tentang adanya orang-orang yang berjuang dari kalangan kamu dan orang-orang yang sabar (dalam menjalankan perintah Kami) dan (sehingga) Kami dapat mengesahkan (benar atau tidaknya) berita-berita tentang keadaan kamu. (Surah Muhammad: ayat 31)

Barangkali penat. Letih. Tak larat.
Kaki makin berat. Kepala makin pening.
Kerja makin tambah.
Masa makin kurang. 
Malas mula menguasai.
Futur kah? Lalai kah? Alpa kah?

(Ingatlah) bahawa kehidupan dunia (yang tidak berdasarkan iman dan takwa) hanyalah ibarat permainan dan hiburan dan jika kamu beriman serta bertakwa, Allah akan memberikan kamu pahala amal kamu dan Dia tidak meminta kepada kamu harta benda kamu (melainkan untuk memberikan kamu barang yang lebih baik daripadanya). (Surah Muhammad: ayat 36)

Maafkan aku.
Acapkali aku tenggelam dalam emosi.
Menganggap masalah sendiri sebesar bumi.
Butakah aku pada insan lain di sekeliling?
Jihad mereka yang memerlukan pengorbanan dari semua segi.
Jihad aku? Huh. 
Kononnya aku lah yang paling derita.
Tapi bila gelak ketawa, amboi, tak ingat dunia.
Kebahagiaan palsu, takkan tahan lama.

Malunya aku, jika engkau ada pada saat ini. 
Apalah sangat kesusahan aku kini.
Sakit dikau tak terperi.
Namun tak pernah sekali engkau berhenti.
Atas dasar cinta mu pada Illahi,
Semuanya seakan-akan manis sekali.

Ya. Mungkin aku akan futur lagi.

Mungkin aku akan jatuh lagi. 

Mungkin jua aku akan kuat nanti.

Berkat doa & usaha, akan ku terbang tinggi.

أم

I always enjoy talking in the car throughout any journey . When all my sisters were asleep at the back of our small humble car back then, I prefer to read. Or talk. In a way, it's a strategy to avoid my father from getting sleepy. So, I tried to keep him awake. 
Sometimes, when my eyes are strained from reading too much, or when I'm too tired from talking, asking random questions and singing, I too, surrendered in my slumber.

When I was about 10 or 11 or so, as we were in the car on our way back to KL from Kota Bharu,
my mom blurted out something after I'd just finished telling them some stories. I have no recall on what exactly it was, something about me explaining to them about my Kemahiran Hidup's homework, but what I do remember is mom saying that,
"Hur, I believe you'll make a good doctor one day",

12 years after, here am I, still not a doctor, but in a process of being one, insya Allah.

It's amazing how a mother knows their children like the back of her hand. Mothers read their children like a book. Feels your pain without you telling them. They are the happiest when you are happy. They believe you when no one does. Willing to sacrifice just about anything, and yet feel like they lose nothing if it's for you.

Mothers. 

We've heard great stories of  mothers in the past.

Take Hajar, the wife of prophet Ibrahim A.S for example. How she solely survived the heat of the dry land Makkah with her infant son. For seven times repetitively, running back and forth from Safa to Marwa in search for a drop of water for her beloved son, prophet Ismail A.S. How she genuinely understand that her husband does not leave her alone with their son at that time for no reason.

She asked him: "Did Allah command you to do so?" 
He replied: "Yes." 
Then his great wife said: "We are not going to be lost, since Allah, Who has commanded you, is with us."

Trust me, if you ever experience the heat of Sahara, for Hajar to go through all  this without complaining, sounds too good to be true. And yet, this is the truth.

Mothers nowadays, may not have to go through like what Hajar did. This does not mean that they did not sacrifice anything. 

How many mothers you know who stop chasing their youthful dreams just because the condition of their children demand them to forget their dreams and concentrate in taking care of her children.
How many mothers who work their butt off day and night just to provide their children the best comfort of life and still come back home from all the stress in her workplace to clean her house, and cook meals for everyone and at the end of the day, she is the last one who went to bed.
How many mothers who are really hurt with her children doings but prefer not to say anything for she accepts what they are and believe that one day her own children will change.
How many mothers who stay late at night to perform solat tahajjud, solat hajat, reads yassin and pray hard every single night without fail in hope that Allah protects her children wherever they are. 

And yet, we are lost in this dunya in search of one true love. Claiming that no one really loves us. That no one understands us. It is heart breaking to hear such statement. Your mother's precious genuine love is for you, and only you, since birth. But no. Not all of us realize this fact.

I'm not a feminist, but if one may ask what is the best thing of being a woman, it is having the chance of being a mother. And if you are a man, what's the best thing of being a man, it is having the chance to help your wife being a mother.

In fact, we are just so ever lucky to own a mother. Alhamdulillah.

You may ask any mother in this whole wide world, and they will enlighten you with their own unique stories of motherhood. How motherhood turn them into a real woman. Thus, becoming a significant person in this world. For all wonderful great people should thank their mothers for contributing in their success in so many ways.

Their love, their patience, their virtue, their wisdom, their hardship is worth to be appreciated every single day.

Today, or tomorrow, or later as you step inside your house, go and search your mother. Hug them like you never hug them before. Kiss them softly. Once on her forehead. Once on her right cheek. Another one on her left cheek. Look straight into her crystal clear eyes. Ask her to forgive you for all your wrong-doings. Let  her know  that you forgive her too if she did ever wronged you which is very unlikely. Make her believe strongly, that deep inside your heart, you love her so much. Not as much as she loves you. But still, you love her too. Never forget to pray for her every time after you perform your salah.

Repeat this as much as possible, every time you get the chance of doing so.
While you still can.

Happy mother's day.
and happy father's day too. 

Always remember, without your father, your mother wouldn't be a mother :) 

Of course without Allah's help, none of these seems possible. 

Worrywart

 “When Allah wants to be good to someone, He tries him with some hardship.” (Abu Hurairah)

The front door of a mosque in Medan, Indonesia 2011

General advice from Prophet Muhammad (sall’allahu alayhi wasallam) when you are in distress or suffering from anxiety:

In hadith #599 narrated by Abdullah ibn Abbas in Sunan Abu Dawood, The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: If anyone continually asks pardon, Allah will appoint for him a way out of every distress, and a relief from every anxiety, and will provide for him from where he did not reckon.

Salam Jumuaah, fatabarakallah.

Lost Love, In Time.

“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those sense weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.
Life has to end," she said. "Love doesn't.” 
― Mitch Albom, The Five People You Meet in Heaven


My thirst for adventure is unquenchable. It is what keeps me alive. 
The adrenaline that rushes through your every vein. 
The sweat that runs on your skin. 
The expanded distance that you walk. 
The thoughts just keep flowing.
You know, your existence is significant.

I wanted to be an archaeologist when I was 12.
Now I know, it is not because of my obsession to Relic Hunter. It is more than just a TV series.

Why do I have this affinity to vast empty spaces?
Probably because beyond the never-ending horizon & emptiness,
Lies enchanting stories beyond imagination. 

Beneath the hot fiery sun by the day
And  twinkling stars sputter in colour by the night
Above that crackled barren land
The dryness it brings to your skin & tongue
On my bed of stones,
As I shivered and turned my back to the fierce wind,
I understand now, for what I enjoy most 
is the idea of possibilities that it brings.

As Mr Imad told us the story of Adam & Eve,
After we waited for the sun to set on the English Mountain.
Separated across the continents, yet, manage to find each other.
I wonder why is the first tale on earth, is a love story. Not the murder of Abel by Cain.
A lost love, meant to be found.
A sun rises, and sets, and rises again.