C.H.A.N.G.E

Every cell in the human body regenerates on average, every 7 years. Like snakes, in our own way, we shed our skin. Biologically, we are brand, new people. We may look the same, we probably do, but change isn't visible...not in most of us, but we all change, completely, forever.

When we say things like 'people don't change,' it drives scientists crazy because change is literally the only constant in science. Energy, matter, it's always changing, morphing, merging, growing, dying. It's the way people try not to change that's unnatural...the way we change to what things were than letting them be as they are. The way we change to old memories instead of forming new ones, the way we insist on believing, despite every scientific indication that anything in this lifetime is permanent. Change is constant. How we experience change, that's up to us. It can feel like death or a second chance at life if we open our fingers, loosen our grips, go with it. It can feel like pure adrenaline, like at any moment we can have another chance at life...like at any moment, we can be born all over again.

p/s : i miss these 2 girls above. May life for you is happy, now and Hereafter insyaAllah. :)

why am i the only one who is not changing? need to make one, pronto!

excess happiness

once, i told one of my best friends that i feel guilty, when i'm happy.

my usual daily days *min zaman yakni* are like a roller coaster ride. there's up and down, here and then. mama used to tell me, "don't be so stress out. do not burn yourself out. you don't have to carry the world on your shoulder. you're still young. you don't have to age so early".

probably, i did aged too early. i don't usually click in the normal conversations with my peers of same age are having. i had a friend telling me, my tastes in everything are just like her granny. and what i have in my mind, well, i don't dare to express it, most of the time. *really, you don't want to know*

and so, if i feel so happy, i felt guilty. as in, "why am i feeling so happy?". i believe, if i feel so happy right now, i might receive bad news then. from my previous past history, my brain planted this theory firmly.

and so, i did some emotion control every now and then.

an "emotional check", is what i called it. i set an emotion parameter. if it's somehow above or below the average, quickly, i do a deep inhalation, and do some other various stuffs and insyaAllah, eventually, it will be back to it's normal level.

This theory that i'm having is definitely not rigid at all. Obviously, as human beings, we can't really control our emotions all the time. Sometimes, your brain can't process all the information that gushes in all at once, and alas, you have an unplanned reaction. A pure reaction originates from your heart or most probably your "nafs", without your brain interfering with it.

I realised now, that whatever emotion one is having, whether it is excess or little, good or bad, one have no control most of the time. with time and experiences, we may train ourselves to have some control. but really, how many of us can really do this.

therefore, i concluded above all the theories from one simple stand. that everything comes from Allah, which means, everything originates from Him is a good thing. so is happiness, or even sadness. it's never wrong to feel happy, it's not bad feeling sad, it's ok to worry, and it's normal that sometimes, you feel angry.

acknowledge that each emotions comes for a reason. don't straight away react with the feeling that you are having. at least, stop and think, and analyze this emotion that you are having. the best way is to visualize the consequences of your every detail actions. how it will affects yourself, how it affects the people around you; your friends & family, whether it affects your studies, and definitely, will it affect your future? In case you have problems visualizing it, then remember this, will Allah like it if you react this way. will He bless your reaction towards your emotion?

i've learned that it's okay to feel happy. it's one of the nikmah in this world. you should enjoy this nikmah, so that you are motivated to aspire Jannah. if you enjoy being happy in this world, the happiness in Jannah is, MasyaAllah, greatly beyond your imagination. the key is to learn how to react with this excessive emotion that you are having. yes, bad news, may come along after happiness just as after the sun shines, rain comes along. however, remember that after it rains heavily, beautiful colourful rainbow comes along. mashaAllah, the thoughts of rainbow, flutters my heart so much, i probably end up with atrial fibrillation. :p

May allah always bless the feelings that i'm having, all the time :)

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

“And that it is He (Allah) Who makes (whom He wills) laugh, and makes (whom He wills) weep”

- (Surah An-Najm 53:43)

azalea.

I know you'll leave me one fine day.

You're sick of me, is what you'll say;

dumb and numb, I'll send you on your way.

Ahead of you I'll scatter showers

great armfuls of azalea flowers

from Yongbyon mountains' springtime bowers.

And as you go, each step you make

lightly on the flowers that break

will echo as the leave you take.

I know you'll leave me one fine day.

You're sick of me, is what you'll say;

but I'll not weep then, come what may.

now, will you trample on my azaleas?

p/s; this is a korean literary heritage poetry.

#18

Truly in the heart there is a void that cannot be removed except with the company of Allah. And in it it there is sadness that cannot be removed except with the happiness of knowing Allah and being true to him and in it there is emptiness that cannot be filled except with the love for Him and by turning to Him and always remembering Him. And if a person were given all of the world and what is in it, it would not fill this emptiness.

- Ibn Qaiyyim al Jawziyyah

alhamdulillah ala kulli hal :)

Sol; Where is your soul?

"Ok, mana nak pergi lagi lepas ni?", kata irna.

"Hrmmm, jap eh. tengok map jap.", sambil terkapai-kapai membuka map dalam keadaan hujan yang masih renyai.

"Ok, kita dah cover area ni. sini pun dah. eh, sini pun dah. ni puerta de toledo kan. ha, betul la. wahh, tak sangka, in. satu malam kita boleh round satu kota Madrid", saya berkata.

Puerto De Toledo

Kami membuat keputusan untuk pulang sahaja ke kawasan hostel kami, Puerta De Sol, atau nama pendeknya "Sol" memandangkan malam pun sudah mula tua.

Perjalanan balik ke kawasan hostel amat mudah. Bandar Madrid dihubungkan melalui Metro, ala-ala LRT bawah tanah konon nya.

Keadaan di Puerto De Sol malam itu sangat meriah. Jalannya di penuhi orang ramai, walaupun dalam keadaan hujan.

"Eh, diorang buat apa ni? Jom tengok jap", kata irna sambil menunjuk ke arah sekumpulan manusia berkumpul di tengah dataran Sol.

Kelihatan seorang wanita, berdiri di atas "stage" kotak. Seorang lelaki tolong memegang payung bagi pihaknya. Seolah-olah, wanita tersebut sedang melakukan sebuah persembahan barangkali.

" I was a bad girl before", berkata wanita tersebut dalam bahasa Spanish. Lelaki yang memegang payung tersebut menterjemahkan kata-katanya dalam Bahasa Inggeris.

" I love to party. I went to Disco and night clubs all the time. My life was a mess. Alcohol & sex was my best friend, and it makes me happy each time i'm depressed. i even tried to commit suicide when i face a big problem.

But one day, i stop and think for a while. i need help. There must be someone out here, SOMEONE at all, who can help me. Help me to get out of this kind of life that i'm facing. I search everywhere for something, or someone to help me. but i seem to not find it anywhere. I want to change, but i don't know how.

That's when i realised, there is SOMETHING that can help me. Some force whom which is with me all these time, but i do not notice it. God. I realised, God can help me.

That's when i started to believe in God. I try to love God, and God heals me completely inside",

Sungguh panjang sajak wanita tersebut. Kata-katanya penuh emosi menusuk kalbu. Seolah-olah, saya boleh memahami apa yang wanita tersebut cuba maksudkan. Seakan-akan diri sesat dalam keseronokan dunia. Seronok, memang seronok. tapi, kenapa rasa seolah-olah ada yang tak kena.

Wanita tersebut mengakhiri sajaknya dengan berkata;

Remember that, no matter how lost you are, in the end you will always have god's love.

wanita Spanish, dan lelaki berambut kerinting di tepinya.

Sungguh. Memang wanita ini bukan Islam. Dia merupakan penganut agama Katholik, sama seperti rata-rata seluruh penduduk Madrid. Tetapi sedikit sebanyak, apa yang dikatakan olehnya, benar sekali.

Kadang-kadang kita sibuk mencari ketenangan, cuba mencari kebenaran, namun kita lupa. Jawapan kepada segala kekeliruan dan sumber ketenangan kita, memang ada depan mata. Cuma, kita yang buta mata, buta hati.

Tuhanmu lebih mengetahui apa yang ada dalam hatimu, jika kamu orang yang baik, maka sungguh, Dia Maha Pengampun kepada orang yang bertaubat ' (Al Isra' : 25)

Sesudah wanita itu mengakhiri persembahannya, seorang lelaki, berambut kerinting pula naik ke atas "stage" tersebut.

"Here's a drawing i drew;

lebih kurg macam ni lah lukisan nya.

"Of course it can't be compared to picasso's masterpiece. And if you can see here, i have an eraser. If i think, my drawing is a disaster, or if i did a mistake in my drawing, i can simply erase it.

Now, life is not like this drawing. You can't just screw a chapter of your life, and erase your mistakes.

But god can do this for you." katanya sambil membalikkan bahagian belakang kertas yang di conteng itu. bahagian belakang kertas ini, sangat putih dan bersih, tiada kesan contengan walaupun setitik pun.

Sambungnya lagi;

"As He's the saviour of humankind. this is how much God loves you. he can do THIS, for you"

Adalah memang kepercayaan agama mereka dari segi "purification of sins" dan yang sewaktu dengannya.

Tetapi Islam juga mengamalkan konsep yang sama, malah lebih indah lagi.

Memang benar, kita tak boleh nak turn back the time, and erase the past chapters of our lives mcm kita padam kesalahan dalam lukisan.

tapi apa yang kita boleh buat ialah, kita boleh start a new chapter in life. a clean, pure chapter of life. sama macam apa lelaki spanish ni buat, dia selak muka surat kertas tu yang bersih. kesalahan lalu seolah-olah pengajaran bagi kita. dan adanya contengan *macam novel Hlovate contengan perjalanan lah plak* dalam chapter hidup kita yang dulu tu, adalah untuk mengingatkan kita untuk tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang sama lagi.

bayangkan lah, kalau senang benar kita boleh padam semua kesalahan kita. buat salah, padam. salah je padam. senang bagi kita untuk ulangi benda yang sama. sebab kita tahu, nanti boleh padam juga, orang pun tak tau. boleh lah buat banyak kali kan, kesalahan yg sama tu.

Anggaplah, those ugly chapters of our past, is a reminder for us, to be better near future, insyaAllah.

Allah tetap sayang kita, walau banyak dosa yang kita lakukan dulu. Dia tetap bagi peluang, walaupun, kita dah abaikan dia dlm tempoh masa yang lama. Asalkan kita benar-benar bertaubat dan kembali pada-Nya, dan tidak mengulangi kesilapan yang lalu.

“Tuhanmu telah menetapkan atas diriNya kasih sayang, (yaitu) bahwasanya barangsiapa yang berbuat kejahatan di antara kamu lantaran kejahilan, kemudian ia bertaubat setelah mengerjakannya, dan mengadakan perbaikan, maka sesungguhnya Allah Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang.” (Al An’aam: 54)

Malam itu, di tengah-tengah Puerto De Sol, dengan susasan hujan yang rintik-rintik membasahi bumi, saya berfikir sendirian;

Allah do loves us so much. Do we love Him, as much as He loves us?

Wallahualam.

"Jangan menilai seseorang itu berdasarkan sejarah hitamnya yang lalu..

kerana mungkin yang hitam itu adalah disebabkan kelekaannya pada masa yang lalu...

dan kerana mungkin yang hitam itulah yang membawanya kepada seorang yang hari INI...bukan lagi yang DAHULU KALA....

dan kerana hanya Allah sahaja yang layak meletakkan dirinya diMANA dia berada...bukan kita..."

- terjumpa dekat mana ntah, dah tak ingat. :)

thank you random spanish woman, and random spanish curly hair guy. you guys helped me to discover a meaning of something, that night. oh, and thanks for sharing your umbrella, with us. :) how i dua', that both of you will discover the beauty of Islam. Eternal serenity and the answers to all your confusion and questions, insyaAllah :)

#17

You knock, He opens. You attend, He welcomes. You ask, He gives. You sin, He tests, You repent, He forgives. You sin again. He forgives again. You cry, He listens. Everything you do, is about you; and everything He does, is about you. "So which of Allah’s favours will you deny?" [Quran Surah Al-Rahman 55:13]

subhanaAllah. is there anyone that can love you, more than He do?

p/s: thanks rom for this precious ayah! :)

never :)

spongy

untuk org yg ringtone dia spongebob.

dosa ke?

berdosa ke? ada perasaan camni?

*kontorversi la plak post kali ni :P*

are you, somehow, attached?

Once you let go of your attachment, what you love is given back to you—now in a purer, better form.

credits to; it's the thought that counts. hehe.

possibilities

Syurga di Bumi Alhambra

5/11/11, 6.35 am

Suasana di granada pada tengah hari itu sejuk sekali. Hujan yang pada mulanya rintik2 mula turun dgn lebatnya.

"did you bring an umbrella? It's raining heavily today"

"no. We didnt. We did not expect to rain this bad"

"it's ok. I'll lend you my umbrella. You can put your luggage inside our office. And my friend, adina will be your guide for today."

Masyarakat di sepanyol sangat menepati waktu. Hanya 2 minit lambat, tour yang dijadualkan sudah bermula. Nasib baik, mereka sanggup menunggu kami di sebuah tmpat tdk jauh dr situ.

"hi. Hola. My name is adina. I'll be your tour guide for today"

Tinggi lampai. Manis wajahnya. Sangat ramah. Di sebelahnya kelihatan sepasang suami isteri yang sudah agak lanjut umurnya. Dari norway katanya. Maka, kami berempat, 2 remaja malaysia, dan sepasang warga tua norway, menjadi rombongan tour guide adina pada hari itu.

Rombongan bermula dgn adina memberi sedikit penerangan ttg alhambra. Di bawanya kami ke sebuah tmpat yang menurutnya, di situlah view alhambra yg plg cntik.

Ternyata sejarah alhambra sgt hebat. Dari sejarah pembinaan monumen tersebut oleh kerajaan islam sehingga jatuhnya alhambra ke tangan jajahan takluk pihak katolik. Ratu isabella catholica, ratu pada waktu jajahan tersebut mengarahkan semua masjid dimusnahkan. Cuma sesetengah ruang bawah tanahnya dibiarkan untuk mengingatkan rakyatnya supaya jika ada masjid yang dilihat lagi pada masa akan dtang, musnahkan semua.

Kami hanya mendengar sahaja penjelasan adina. Pakcik makcik norway tmpk sgt berminat dgn sejarah alhambra. Pelbgai soalan dilemparkan oleh mereka ke adina. Kadang2, adina sendiri tdak pasti dgn jawapannya.

Kemudian, di bawanya kami ke sebuah kawasan gipsi. Di situ, guanya sudah diubah suai utk menjadi kawasan tmpt tinggal. Menurut adina, masyarakat muslim adalah yg pertama untuk menjadikan gua sbgi tmpt tinggal.

Tarian flamenco, sgt terkenal di kalangan gipsi.

"do you like flamenco?"

Kami cuma mengangguk-angguk, kononya pernah dgr ttg tarian flamenco.

Tetapi pasangan norway itu sgt bersemangat menjawab.

" yes. We really love flamenco. We've read about it from a book, and we come here to see it for ourselves"

"yes, most of people come here as they want to see wht they've read", jelas adina.

" sweetnya pasangan tu irna. Kan best kalau aku dapat cari pasangan hidup macam tu. Mcm best friend. We read lots of books together. Share the same interests. Deep thoughts and poetry. When we grow old, and our kids grew older, we travel the world to see the things that we only read in books before. Allah, bestnya."

Mcm biasa, angan2 dalam ruangan minda ini pasti akan berlegar- legar jauh dari realiti hidup.

Habis sahaja tour guide yg berlangsung kira2 2 jam, kami terus mencari sebuah restoran halal yang kami sudah 'aim' dari awal lagi.

"can we pray here?"

"no. I dont have a room here. But there's a mosque not far from here. Masjid taqwa. You can pray there".

Sesudah makan kebab dan nasi yang sangat sedap, terus kami mencari masjid yg dikatakan oleh pekerja restoran 'kebab king' itu utk menunaikan solat fardhu asar, dan jama' takhir zohor.

Pada awalnya, sesudah solat, kami ingin melihat sekitar alhambra, tetapi setelah berlegar- legar, kami mmbuat keputusan utk kembali ke masjid taqwa utk menunaikan solat mghrib dn mnnjamakkan solat isya'. Kami tidak punya banyak masa, kerana malam itu, kami perlu menaiki tren ke barcelona. bak kata irna " kalau dah selesai solat, meninggal dunia lepas ni pun xpe. Tanggungjawab dah selesai".

Sekali lagi, kami ke masjid taqwa. Kali ini, ada seorang pkcik arab di situ. Sambil menunggu azan maghrib, kami mmbaca bebrapa ayat suci alquran. Tenang sungguh suasana dalam masjid itu.

Beberapa anak muda lelaki, mmbaca ayat al-quran smbil mnunggu azan mghrib juga. Pakcik tersebut juga melakukan hal yg sama. MasyaAllah, dimana-mana pun seseorang muslim itu berada, indonesia mahupun

Mesir, bahkan sehingga ke sepanyol skali pun, rasa cinta yg mndalam terhadap Allah, tidak membezakan seorang muslim dgn muslim yg lain.

"in, aku rasa bersalah la"

"kenapa?"

"tadi aku jeles dgn pasangan norway tu. Nmpk best sgt smpi tua pun boleh rapat mcm tu. Share the same interests. Travel sama2. Tapi, mungkin.... Mungkin bukan yang tu yang aku nak dlm hidup ni"

"asal plak? Pelik2 je la ko ni"

"haha. Pemikiran aku kan slalu pelik2. Tak la. Mungkin dlm hidup ni ada bnda yang lebih dari tu. Syurga, contohnya."

Pengembaraan ke sepanyol mmg membuka luas mataku. Pada zahirnya, "travelling" itu mmg indah. SubhanaAllah, mmg indah sekali. Asalkan, bemusafir itu dgn tujuan yg bermanfaat, insyaAllah, tidak sia2 pengembaraan itu. Namun, apabila travel ni, ia seolah- olah memberi secebis gambaran bayangan syurga . Kalau lah travel in sgt indah dan best, syurga nnt apakan lagi.

Kalau lah ada pasangan sehidup semati yang kongsi segala minat dan bersama sehingga ke tua nnt itu indah, apa lah sgt nak dibandingkan dgn syurga nnt.

"irna, aku rasa, aku nak pasangan yang boleh bawak aku ke syurga la. Tak kesah la kalau dia tak sama minat ke, tak suka travel ke, asalkan kami boleh bersama hingga ke syurga. Pimpin aku hingga ke syurga. Takda apa lagi yang lebih indah dari nikmat2 di syurga nnt."

Pada zahirnya, mmg dunia indah. Dan memang tidak salah utk kita nikmati anugerah dan nikmat yg allah bagi. Semua utk menjadi tarbiyyah bagi diri kita. Kalau kita tidak pernah merasa apa2 nikmat dunia, macam mana kita nak berusaha untuk meraih nikmat syurga Allah nnt?

Bila dah rasa benda2 best, mesti nak lagi best kan. Apa lah yg lagi best dari syurga nnt.

Semoga allah memberkati pengembaraan kita semua dalam mengejar syurga Allah.

*boleh je orang yang sama minat di dunia pimpin kita hingga ke syurga jugak kan? :)*

#16 why worry?

michael buble says it all.

so why worry?

there's someone out there, specially made for you. insyaAllah

and this post, is specially made for you. whoever you are. hihi. :)

#15

and no one in this world afford to do this to you.

except for Allah.

only Him. :)

emotion

what's the hardest part of being a doctor?

people thought that being a doctor, means you must be brave enough. brave enough to watch the endless river of blood, brave enough to cut someone's body, brave enough to look at all the unimaginable injuries, etc.

i have certain people telling me this too. i admit, i was scared, a little bit. but then, when i was in 2nd year, i went for my posting in a forensic department. i dare to say, it was not that scary at all. though, i did have some difficulties to close my eyes after my first day in forensic unit. after a few days, it was nothing. in fact, i did enjoy it immensely. dealing with the dead is, easier. practically, because we don't really deal with them at all. of course, forensic is not something to be taken lightly though. we're basically talking about medico-legal and stuff related to it.

therefore, being a doctor is not scary. *or maybe, the worst is yet to come* :P

i'm in my clinical years now. and that's when i realised, the hardest part of being a doctor, *at least for me* is to deal with my own emotion.

last week, as i did my patient history alone *since Dr Iman just love to leave each of us alone with a patient*, one patient thought i was a doctor. she wanted me to look at her files, and asked me, is she getting any better. i did browsed over her files, it seems that, her condition is improving. i didn't dare to say anything, so i just said, it seems ok, as she is doing her chemotherapy after all.

she seems happy with my answer, when suddenly she asked me will she'll get better as before or not.

i know, from what our doctors told us before. since we are now in haematology unit, most cases we're dealing with is leukemia. the doctors themselves, didn't tell the patients how serious the conditions are for them. in reality, once you are diagnosed with leukemia, you haven't left much time to live. especially here, in egypt.

looking at this patient's glowing eyes, desperately hoping for a miracle answer from me, i was numb for just about seconds. i really don't know what to say, so i said, you have to ask your own doctor. i am just a student. and she asked, what's my opinion. i couldn't answer. i just said "syafakillah, insyaAllah".

being in a haematology unit, you'll find that most of the leukemic patients, are young adolescents in their 20's. there are a few middle-aged patients, and this varies according to the type of leukemia.

and masyaAllah, in my opinion, leukemic patients are very beautiful and handsome indeed. their eyes seem bigger. they have radiant looking skin *it's pale actually, but a beautiful pale skin*. and if a young egyptian man is bald, they do look handsome, no kidding. * most of us agree with this* :P

my heart sinks when the doctors have very little hope for these patients. i wont call my feeling towards them is sympathy, but empathy. yes. my problem is, i am too understanding. as if i feel their pain. as i, myself is facing what they are facing. in reality, their pain is actually beyond my imagination.

i saw a male patient helplessly depending on his wife, for he is very sick. seeing his wife's worried eyes, i did for a moment, thought of my parents.

i saw the young leukemic patients, and i thought of my friend back in malaysia, who'd lost her best friend because of leukemia too.

therefore yes, the hardest part of being a doctor is to deal with your own emotion * i know, most of the guys wont face this kind of problem*

emotion shouldn't be a barrier for us to move forward. allah gives me this feeling for a reason. somehow, i know, insyaAllah, there is a good reason for it's existence. it's just that i have to figure out how to deal with it.

mama told me, "how can you face a patient, if you can't face your own emotions. How can you help them, if you're in such condition?".

she's right. *always*.

Empathy won't help to cure them. Allah will. have strong faith in Allah, that Allah will cure them, through our efforts in treating the patients, insyaAllah.

i understand now, that these 6 years of medical school, is not just to gain medical knowledge and such. It's the values and character building that will really help us in our career later on.

:))

Jika Allah uruskan urusan kita..dan Allah tidak serahkan diri kita kepada kita walaupun sekelip mata..

dunia boleh berbuat apa apa ..

tetapi mereka tidak boleh mencabar kebesaran kerajaan Allah..

Jika Allah mengatur untuk kita apa yang orang sangka tewas..

Kita akan melihat kemenangan dari sisi Allah S.W.T ...

Apa yang orang rasa rugi..

Allah akan memberikan keuntungan yang mana..jalan jalan manusia tidak sangka..

tetapi Allah boleh mewujudkan keajaiban dalam kehidupan..

Lihatlah bagaimana Allah membahagi-bahagikan nikmatNya

- Hamka -

Que Sera Sera.

They asked me, what i want to be when i grow up.

i cant think of anything else. nothing else. nada. except for one thing.

ربي يسر ولا تعسر ,ربي تمم بالخير

InsyaAllah, may we all make it till the end. And pray that Allah bless us in anything that we do. Amin. :)

secret

There is a light that shows me the way,

To a secret garden, with a fragrant bouquet,

And as I enter through its welcoming gates,

To savor all that for me awaits -

I can't help but wonder why the light chose me

Why fate gave me the Garden's key.

For whatever the reason, this much I know,

It is a lovely place where I love to go -

A garden full of life's delights -

Of tenderness and wondrous nights.

A garden in which to nourish my soul;

A place to go to make me whole

Where the warming light becons me stay

Where always it is Valentine's Day.

Time has shown me this simple truth,

That the light that shines from high above -

That leads me to this garden each day

Is the nurturing light of your infinite love.

_______________________________

Poem Recited by Ara John Movsesian

49

very, very, very depressing.

oh well,

moving on.........................

ok.terus dah tak depress. heeeee.

:p

secara pokoknya.

one of the best vid from 15 Malaysia that i watched few years ago. Tok Guru speaking of agriculture.

bayangkan dari sebatang pokok yang kita tanam, berapa banyak pahala yg kita boleh dapat. hatta, bila penanam pokok itu meninggal dunia pun, pahala nya akan ditambah berterusan, sekiranya pokok itu masih lagi hidup, dan memberi manfaat kepada sekalian makhluk di bumi. it's one of the easiest way of gaining pahala selain daripada mengajar ilmu bermanfaat kepada orang lain.

InsyaAllah, i wish, this tradition of our family, yang diamalkan oleh kedua2 nenek moyang abah & mama akan diteruskan sehingga generasi yang terakhir sekali nanti. Amin.

and i need to do more than just tolong abah letak baja dan tanam benih je. :P

#14- Zainab&Abu El'Ass

This is the real love story between Zainab bint Muhammad and Abu El’Ass ibn Rabee’ [ra]; Zainab was the daughter of the Prophet sws and her cousin Abu El’Ass, was Khadeeja [ra]’s nephew. He was one of the nobles of the Quraish, and the Prophet sws loved him very much.

One day Abu El’Ass went to the Prophet sws before he had received his mission of Prophethood and said:

“I want to marry your eldest daughter.”

So the Prophet replied: “I must ask her first.”

He sws went to Zainab and asked her: “Your cousin came to me and he wishes to marry you, do you accept him as your husband?”

Her face turned red with bashfulness and she smiled.

So Zainab married Abu El’Ass, the beginning of a great love story. They had two children; Ali and Umaymah.

During this course of time Muhammad became a Prophet while Abu El’Ass was away from Makkah. Abu El’Ass returned to find his wife a Muslim. When he first came back, his wife said,

“I have great news for you”.

He stood up and left her. Zainab was surprised and followed him as she said,

“My father became a Prophet and I have become a Muslim.”

He replied, “Why didn’t you tell me first?”

Hence a big problem began between the two; a problem of religion and belief.

She told him, “I wasn’t going to disbelieve in my father and his message, he is not a liar, and he is “The Honest and Trustworthy” [Al-Siddiq wal Ameen]. I’m not the only believer; my mother and my sisters became Muslims, my cousin Ali ibn Abi Talib became a Muslim, your cousin Uthman ibn Affan became a Muslim, and your friend, Abu Bakr, became a Muslim.”

He replied, “Well, as for me, I don’t want people to say, ‘he let down his people and his forefathers to please his wife’. And I am not accusing your father of anything.”

Then he said, “So will you excuse me and understand?”

She replied, “Who will excuse and understand you if I don’t? I will stay beside you and help you until you reach the truth.”

And she kept her word for 20 years.

Abu El’Ass remained an unbeliever, and then came the migration. Zainab went to her father and asked him for the permission to stay with her husband. The Prophet sws replied,

“Stay with your husband and children”.

So Zainab stayed in Makkah, until the battle of Badr occurred. Abu El’Ass was to fight in the army of Quraish against the Muslims. For Zainab, it meant that her husband will be fighting her father, a time Zainab had always feared. She kept crying out:

“O Allah, I fear one day the sun may rise and my children become orphans or I lose my father”.

So the battle started, and ended in victory for the Muslims. Abu El’Ass was captured by the Muslims, and news of this reached Makkah. Zainab asked,

“What did my father do?”

They told her, “The Muslims won”.

So she prayed to Allah, thanking Him. Then she asked: “What did my husband do?”

They said: “He was captured.”

She said, “I’ll send a payment to release him.”

She didn’t own anything of much value, so she took off her mother’s necklace, and sent it with Abu El’Ass’s brother to the Prophet.

While the Prophet sws was sitting, taking payments and releasing captives, he saw Khadeeja’s necklace. He held it up and asked:

“Whose payment is this?”

They said: “Abu El’Ass ibn Rabee.”

He cried and said “This is Khadeeja’s necklace.”

As soon as the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) saw that necklace, he had a feeling of extreme compassion and his heart palpitated for the great memory. The Companions who were present there gazed in amazement having being captivated by the magnificence of the situation.

After a long silence, the Messenger of Allah sws stood up and said,

“O my people, this man is my in-law, should I release him? And do you accept the return of this necklace to my daughter?”

They answered in unison “Yes, O Messenger of Allah!”

The Prophet sws gave the necklace to Abu El’Ass and said to him,

“Tell Zainab not to give away Khadeeja’s necklace.” Then he sws said, “Abu El’Ass, Can we speak privately?”

He took him aside and said, “Allah has ordered me to separate between a Muslim and a disbeliever, so could you return my daughter to me?”

Abu El’Ass reluctantly agreed.

Zainab stood on the gates of Makkah waiting for the arrival of Abu El’Ass. When he finally came he said,

“I am going away”.

She asked, “Where to?”

He replied, “It is not me who is going, it is you. You are going to your father. We must separate because you are a Muslim.”

She implored him, “Will you become a Muslim and come with me?” But he refused.

So Zainab took her son and daughter and traveled to Madinah, and for 6 years she refused to remarry, hoping that one day Abu El’Ass would come.

After 6 years, Abu El’Ass was traveling in a caravan from Makkah to Syria. During the journey, he was intercepted by some of the Prophet’s companions. He escaped and asked for Zainab’s home. He knocked on her door shortly before the dawn prayer. She opened the door and asked him,

“Did you become a Muslim?”

He whispered “No, I come as a fugitive.”

She implored him once more “Can you become a Muslim?”

Again his answer was a negative.

“Do not worry.” She said, “Welcome my cousin, welcome, the father of Ali and Umaymah.”

After the Prophet sws prayed the dawn prayer in congregation with the people, they heard a voice from the back of the mosque,

“I have freed Abu El’Ass ibn Rabee.” Zainab had granted Abu El’Ass’ freedom.

The Prophet sws asked, “Have you heard what I heard?”

They all said, “Yes, Messenger of Allah.”

Zainab said, “He is my cousin and the father of my children and I have freed him.”

The Prophet sws stood up and said, “O people, I declare that this man was a very good son-in-law, he never broke his promise, and neither did he tell lies. So if you accept, I will return his money back and let him go. If you refuse it’s your decision and I will not blame you for it.”

The companions agreed, “We will give him his money.”

So the Prophet sws said to Zainab, “We have freed the one you have freed, O Zainab.”

Then he sws went to her and told her “be generous to him, he is your cousin and the father of your children, but don’t let him get near you, he is prohibited for you.”

She replied, “Sure, father, I’ll do as you say.”

She went in and told her husband, “O Abu El’Ass, didn’t you miss us at all? Won’t you become a Muslim and stay with us?”

But he refused. Abu El’Ass then took the money and returned to Makkah. Once he returned he stood up and announced,

“O people, here is your money. Is there anything left?”

They replied, “No, Abu El’Ass, there is nothing left, thanks a lot.”

So Abu El’Ass said, “I testify that there is no god but Allah, and Muhammed is His Messenger.”

Then he went back to Madinah and ran to the Prophet sws as he said, “Dear Prophet, you freed me yesterday, and today I say that I testify there is no god but Allah and you are His Messenger.”

He asked the Prophet, “Will you give me the permission to go back to Zainab?”

The Prophet sws smiled and said, “Come with me”;

he took him to Zainab’s house and knocked on her door. The Prophet sws said, “O Zainab, your cousin came to me and asked if he can return to you”.

Just like 20 years before, her face turned red with bashfulness and she smiled.

The sad thing was, a year after this incident, Zainab died. Abu El’Ass shed hot tears because of her death and drove those who were around him to tears. The Messenger of Allah sws came with eyes full of tears and a heart full of sorrow. Zainab’s death reminded him of the death of his wife, Khadeejah. He told the women, who gathered around Zainab’s corpse,

“Wash her three times and use camphor in the third wash.”

He performed funeral prayers on her and followed her final resting place. Abu El’Ass returned to his children, Ali and Umaymah. Kissing them and wetting them with his tears, he remembered the face of his departed darling.

May Allah be pleased with Zainab, the Prophet’s daughter! May He reward her with Paradise for her patience, endurance and struggle!

Abu El’Ass would cry so profusely that the people saw the Prophet himself weeping and calming him down. Abu El’Ass would say,

“By Allah, I can’t stand life anymore without Zainab.”

He died one year after Zainab’s death.

check up or CHECKMATE?

" jom pegi buat medical check up la hur. i think it's something to do with your lungs la. It's getting worse".

"mama ni, you're the one with the big lump on your shoulder. mama yg patut buat checkup"

"mama dah tua. kamu tu muda lagi"

"mama pegi la check up dulu. x brani kan..... "

it seems that the idea of meeting a doctor for medical check-up is scary indeed.

for some people, what they afraid most is about getting injection. mcm org2 tua cakap,

"tak nak den dho. sakit bilo dokto cucuk".

i think it's just a mere excuse given by them.

what we actually fear most is TO HEAR THE TRUTH, from the doctors themselves.

"pakcik, pakcik disahkan menghidap kanser. ermm, sakit barah. stage 3. kemungkinan ada masa dalam setahun dua je lagi"

takut kan? takut kan?

ok. i think cancer is a little bit overrated.

what about the common health problems?

for example; diabetes, heart diseases, hypertension.. etc.

i remember when some of my relatives came to our house. since my father have this glucose meter *to monitor his blood sugar level from time to time*, most of my aunties and uncles thought of checking their glucose level.

"normal tak gulo den ni, hur? berdebar la plak nak tunggu result eh."

"mcm tinggi sikit la ni....................."

"hah?!"

"tapi biasa la, baru lepas makan kan."

"fuhhh.." *menarik nafas kelegaan*

a few days ago, when my wan had a fever,

she asked me to check her pulse.

and she was like,

"ok tak jantung wan ni? jangan la cakap tak ok. wan takut ni"

"nadi wan normal je. tapi jantung tu hur tak tau la. kene cek doktor betul. hur ni tak abis belajar lagi"

and i know, the chances are, she won't see a real doctor. not just yet.

for some, waiting the result is like your heart been ripped slowly.

if the result turns well, then it's ok.

if not, your heart will tear down in pieces.

you probably won't die for the disease that you've been recently diagnosed to,

but heart attack from knowing it will be likely to kill you, on the spot.

but as scary as it is,

the fact is many of diseases screened can be treated, if detected early.

yeah, everyone knows that. but really, how many of us are brave enough to handle the truth.

i know that most of the makciks' & pakciks', wan2 and atok2 in kampung can't.

even the youngsters, probably because they are so busy with work and stuff,

they dont have the time to think of their own health.

with all the stress and the food that we eat.

and next thing you know, when all the signs and symptoms started to appear, it was too late.

that explains the uprising number of death of young people in their 30's due to heart attack.

men mostly. those who were not yet married, or recently married, or just having their eldest child. sad indeed.

and really, was it just me, or really the number of breast cancer cases tremendously increase within these few years.

cervix cancer, not to mention all kind of cysts with different kinds of shapes and sizes appearing in variety of organs.

yeah, scary indeed. especially when those who are closely related to us already been diagnosed with certain genetic related diseases.

it kinda hits us, "bila plak time aku ni?"

in the other hand, it's true that our ajal&maut is already written, and when our time comes, there's nothing that we can do.

but we also know that, apa-apa pun, kita kena usaha dulu,

baru tawakkal.

and in my humble opinion, medical check up, is probably a way of our usaha, to keep our body healthy. especially, when we started to realise that there is something unusual about our body.

and come on la, it's not that expensive. with all the subsidy given by our government.

it's not that it has to be done oftenly.

after all, taking care of our health, is a very important ibadah indeed.

amanah dari Allah yang dipertanggungjawabkan ke atas kita.

wallahualam.

what we don't know, won't hurt us.

but i think what we don't know will only hurt us more, in addition to that,

it will also hurt those around us.

and by that, i know, there's nothing else that hurts me more,

than seeing my loved ones to be hurt.

besides, how long can we actually hide the truth? because eventually, the truth will come to light. bright light that is. :P

as strange as it is, there is also cases of munchausen syndrome. which is totally opposite of iatrophobia *fear of seeing a doctor*

p/s: i'm not afraid of check-up, is just that i know, it's nothing much. mama is always a little bit worried. that's all. maybe we, doctors-to-be need to be a little bit convinced to the patients. try to encourage the public that there's nothing to be afraid of medical check-up.

but then again, cakap mmg senang :p