tangled; no more :)

Dear tangled,

now that i'm tangled-free from any exam or such, i'll be watching you,,,,,,

again,

and again,

and again. :)

because i'm so loving you :P

#7

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Dan sungguh, yang kemudian itu lebih baik bagimu dari yang permulaan.

Dan sungguh, kelak Tuhanmu pasti memberikan karunia-Nya kepadamu, sehingga engkau menjadi puas

Ad- Dhuha, ayat 4&5

Surah yang menjadi bukti kasih sayang Allah terhadap Rasulullah tatkala baginda sangat sedih kerana kaum Quraisy mengutuk baginda ketika penurunan wahyu baginda terhenti buat seketika. Mereka mengatakan, Allah sudah melupakan baginda.

Tiada yang dapat memujuk hati ini, selain daripada meneliti setiap kalimah Allah.

Jazakumullah khairan kepada mereka yang berkongsi tadabbur surah ini. :)

kelapa sawit.

bukak message fb. tiba-tiba someone send me a message:

":("

ok, risau. sgt.

terus call, and she said.
"takde pape pon. saje je. boring. Kakhur cepat balik malaysia. Jemput Najah from ladang kelapa sawit ni".

"kenapa plak ni? boring sgt ke kmb?" I said

then she replied;
"ala. semua org mcm robot"

haha. reminds me when i first masuk mrsm muar. yup. it was like hostel all over again. and seriously, who likes routine life. definitely not me.

Hang in there Najah, baru 3 minggu duduk sana. You'll get used to it lama2. Once you find something interesting to do , you'll be enjoying your stay there. well, at least kmb is not that boring. haha. Oh, and happy doing all the assignments. 2 years is not that long kannn. :P Besides, you have lots of fun fun friends over there kan.

p/s: don't worry, once i'm home we'll have some fun insyaAllah.

naughty girl growing up so fastt.
another muslimah doctor is in the making, InsyaAllah :)

detoxification and always summertime.

500mg paracetamol + 65 mg kafein.

duh. caffeine. that explains the vomitting pagi exam, and right before exam. DUH!!

NO CAFFEINE, NO CAFFEINE, NO CAFFEINE.

arrggh, the urge, the temptation.

jihad paling besar adalah jihad melawan diri sendiri (nafsu).

p/s: approximately 3 months w/out caffeine. *ok, tipu. last month costa coffee kan* fighting HUR!

oh, ni Always Summertime. just love this song. hrmm...

It's always summertime
In my mind
Until I remember
Life can't be revised

#6

If Cinderella's shoe fits perfectly, then why did it fall off?

The best feeling in the world is to be millions of miles away and still be able to picture your eyes.

I MISS....

1. solat jemaah dgn mama dgn abah.
2. buka puasa dgn family.
3. tarawih sama2 dgn makcik2.
4. gurau2 dgn the girls.
5. makan timun abah tanam
6. pengat durian mama.
7. buat kerepek pisang
8. buat cupcakes.
9. potong rumput *LOL*
10. lepak kat kebun, kolam ikan.

kampung girl, wants her kampung. and all she has to do is study extra hard, then she'll get her rewards insyaAllah :)

"don't you buat that muka hur. mama tau apa ekspresi muka hur sekarang. ingt mama tak nampak."
*haha. you really know me well mama. i cant hide it walaupun through phone :)*

the sungai tepi abah's kebun. the place where we lepak. :) peaceful mashaAllah

Decide with confidence- Hur.

LOL, you make feel all better. really know how to lift up my self esteem, youuu.

Hur is under control

Hur is an investment in good appearance.

ok. dah cukup. :P

#5

we are all sinners.

a reminder to myself, and all.

charity begins at home. don't depend on masjid to do all the job that we should be doing. talk about changing the ummah. start in our own home first. wallahualam.

Oh you who believe save yourselves and your families from a fire!
-surah at-tahrim 66:6-

stop this deadly epidemic in our society, people.

if tomorrow never comes.

" insecure. that's how i felt for the past 48 hours. it's like you dont feel safe at all. you become suspicious of everything and everyone seems to be more like a foe than a friend to you. your senses become sensitive. you learn to trust your instinct. you depend on those who are just totally different from you but all you have in common is this same feeling; insecurity "

" suddenly you talk with those you'd never talked to. you sleep with those you'd never slept with. you smile to almost everyone. those who you'd never thought will care for you, do care after all "

this is what i'd experienced a few months ago. these lines are from my diary which i wrote at that time 30/1/2011. of course, i cant just wrote everything in my diary here, for sure. but just now, as i was lepaking with irna, as we talked about how can this semester seems to be very short. and then we realized, what happened a few months ago. an experience, which to me was a bit traumatic. but I'd learned so much from it. so much. as we reminisce, all this feelings come back to me. and to irna too, for sure. :P

" last night, i didnt sleep. i woke up almost every hour just to check whether farhanah and in are breathing. i heard so many things. gunshots, people screaming and shouting, babies crying. and at all time, i cant help but thinking of ways of escaping in case someone breaks in our house. it was absurd. so many strategies were formed in my brain. as if you have so many things gushing into your mind all at once. suddenly, nothing else matters. . all you care is how to make it through the night. no further plans beyond that"

yes. we thought of nothing else. we just want to live. we just hope and pray that we can get out of the house, and go to another safer place. where there is lots of people. malaysian people. our people.

i thought of nothing else. suddenly i dont care what my future have for me. i dont care whether i'll become a doctor or not. i dont care if i will ever get married or not. i dont care what my results will turn out to be *sebab masa tu baru je habis exam* my dreams, my plans, whatever, i just dont care anymore. i just dont like being in this situation. i just want to get out of this situation. i just hope that all of us will be breathing tomorrow. that i will still have the opportunity to become a better person. oh allah, i promise i'll be better. because i'm just not ready to die yet. i dont think i've been a good muslim all these 20 years of my life. please. if only i can see my parents' faces one last time. i'm longing for them. i've been a very bad daughter indeed. i still need to do a lot of things for them. and to my sisters, i'm the worst eldest sister ever. so many times, i didnt show them my best example. and to my friends. yes, there are times that i do them wrong. if you just give me this second chance.

and i thought i was the only one who felt that way that night. turned out to be irna too, felt the same thing. and i'm sure, all of us who had experienced "the darkest night of egypt"- the time when all the banduans were running freely out in the streets, felt the same way, as i did.

and yet, when malaysia's government came to bring us back home. when we were safely back in our comfy home back in malaysia. when mubarak finally stepped down. when everything turns right again. when we started our studies again here, peacefully. maybe, these few months, just maybe, maybe we forget about things that happened that night. i know, i did forget some of the details. if irna and i didnt lepak at sun steffano after icdl, most probably, i will keep on forgetting the thoughts that i have that night. that maybe Allah is giving me a second chance. most probably, Allah is giving us all a second chance. just like how Allah gives egypt her second chance.

so yes, if, just let's say, what if tomorrow never comes, what are we plan to do?

dedicated to the man of my life.

when i was a little girl, i was not like the other kids. i'm not a fan of barbie doll. i dont play video games. * that's the reason why my ipod has no games in it* i dont play sports. *that's why i'm montel indeed* i do have some friends. but we usually talk more than we play. and at that time, i was a bit anti-social.

my childhood was filled with educational stuff. when i first got number 1 in my class, abah bought me 4 books of science thingy *i dont quite remember* i was seven. i dont actually know the stuff, but i just like to look at the pictures. and just within few days, i thought, hey, i can understand this. he also bought me kisah nabi-nabi. which i also finished reading it by a few days. and yes, now i think i need to read it again, despite of the numerous medical books that i have to read.

my house was filled with books. abah and mama have lots and lots of encyclopedia. and yes, i was seven, and i already read about cleopatra, and earthquake, and picasso and alexander the great. at that time, i was amazed by the pyramids *funny how i am so close with pyramid now, but still dont have the opportunity to go there* yes, i dare say, i was a bookworm.

since that day on, i read most of the books in my house. abah and mama is not a doctor, but yes we do have some health and medical books at that time. that was the time that i believe in magic. that books are fill with wonders.

abah realized my fondness towards books. therefore, if he wants to buy me any present, it will be a book. he also tries to encourage all my sisters to read books. but not all of us have the same interest. hehe.

abah is a very educational father indeed. i remember the times when we went for a holiday. he always asks us to bring a note book. we usually go to the museums, and planetariums. there was one time we went to the tea plantation, and he asked us to take notes of it. for he will then wanted us to tell him back, how tea was made.

now abah, turning 57. unemployed. and still educate himself and his daughters, as well as his wife. i watch him most of the nights, reading different books, before he goes to sleep. now that most of her daughters are taking medicine, i think he knows more about medicine more than we do. :)

so here it goes, happy birthday abah. alhamdulillah, allah sends me a father like you. a man who used to be so macho *zaman bujang2 dulu* and still is macho but turning into a soft hearted, loving and caring man. sebab ada 4 girls and a very lembut wife. :P sorry if we, girls sometimes give you headache with our shopping obsession, and fondness to chit chat. i do hope your vege garden turns right insyaAllah. you are the only man in my life. *well at least for now* and even if there is another man in my life one day insyaAllah, you will always have a special place in my heart. :)


now that you are retired, i realized that i'm turning old. that now, it is my responsible to take care of you and mama. not the other way round. i'm sorry for growing up so slow. i'm so sorry for not graduating yet. but i'm half way now, insyaAllah. and in another few years, it will be our time *your daughters* to work so hard. earning paychecks and stuff. and all you and mama have to do, is focus on your ibadah, and honeymoon for the rest of your lives. oh and yes, play with your grandkids for sure. and i'll try hard to give you lots and lots of grandsons insyaAllah. :P


p/s: no hidden message from this above picture. it's just that i do believe, a boy will change into a true man, when he finally becomes a father. just like our fathers. :)

#4

this is me; balik dari kuliyah everyday.

then, i enter into this strange, beautiful world; dreamland.

#3

Never look down upon people, for every righteous person has a past and every sinner has a future “Allah has forgiven what is past”
Quran 5:95

alia says it all. dalam lecture hall tadi. don't be so judgemental. we don't know what in other people's heart :) a good reminder, alia.

frustration and dreams.

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

they say, "you'll get frustrated. don't dream."
or they say something like,
"have less dream, you'll be less frustrated, you'll be happier"
i don't agree. well, only that part particularly.

yes, with big dreams, come big frustrations.
but that doesn't mean we should stop dreaming.
dream itself has a few definitions. let's just assume the dream that i'm referring right now is more or less is like a goal. yes. dream=goal. or aim, or vision. or whatever that you want to achieve. realistic ones, is more likely.

of course, in life, we'll never get everything that we want.
we got to lose some, to gain some. that's life.
and no matter how big your dreams are,
no matter how numerous your goals are,
no matter how hard you are working towards it,
we all know, in the end, it is up to Allah.
whether he wants to give you or not.

but that does not mean that you can lay around,
do nothing, sit and have a coffee and sleep all day long,
don't have plans and dreams,
and let fate takes you wherever it will leads you to.
no sir, that is not how things work here.

my point is, why are we so afraid of frustration.
it is just another emotion that we can deal with.
for example we can overcome frustration by means of displacement. or substitution
you can't achieve what you want, set another goal to achieve.
replace the dream that is unachievable, with a new one.
or try another way.
maybe your way of working towards your goal is incorrect. analyse it, and go for it.
where there is a will, there will always be a way, somehow.
the key regulatory enzyme; is to not GIVE UP.

now, if the world is filled with those who are, i-dun-want-to-get-frustrated-therefore-i-dun-want-to-dream kind of people then, light bulbs would never be invented. imagine how many times did Thomas Edison get frustrated with all those failures. but he didn't give up. he believes that it is possible to have such invention, and alas, you have a light bulb in your room. and light bulb is also a "mother cell" for most of other inventions that we depend on, today.

most importantly, if prophet Muhammad p.b.u.h get frustrated with all those people who rejected him, those who criticized him, hurt him, some, even tried to kill him, then Islam will not be spread widely and be alive as it is today. SubhanaAllah. although he is very sad with those people, but never did he said things like;
" this is not working. i'm frustrated. i don't want to do this anymore."
no way. because he believes in what he is doing. he believes in Allah.

it's ok to be frustrated for a while. just like it is ok to be sad for a while. then, when you had enough of crying, you had enough of frustrating, wipe those tears, and get back on track.

do not afraid to get frustrated.
it's just another emotion for us to overcome, to make us stronger,
to test whether we really believe in whatever we are doing.

dare to dream.
if you fall down, then just get up. continue to run. as simple as that.

it is the same as do not afraid to love and to be loved.
you'll get hurt for sure. but is just another emotion for us to overcome.
to test whether we appreciate those around.

" if you don't dream big, what's the use of dreaming" - Emily Shackleton, Dream Big

have you, been tested?

Do men think that they will be left alone on saying, “We believe”, and that they will not be tested? We did test those before them, and Allah will certainly know those who are true from those who are false.

[Al-Ankaboot, Verses 2-3] The Holy Quran

so, you think you are a believer,
thought of giving it a second thought?

passing by

ever feel this strange feeling while you are passing by a shop filled with everything that you want.

shimmering table lamps,
mesmerizing paintings of flowers in frames,
scented candles that i swear, it could erase all your worries away,
beautiful tiny little things which i don't know what on earth those things were, but yeah, it was definitely beautiful.
the air inside it was just right,
the classical music, still ringing in my ears.
the smell, so sweet.
oh man, it's coming back to me now

heaven.it was like you are this little girl,
eyeing on something,
aiming persistently
knowing that you'll never have it,
as time goes by,
that each day you walk by this shop,
you realise that you never really need it,
it was just the pleasure of wanting it.


i think i can spend my whole life inside this shop. i would really like to.

or maybe

passing by this shop would just be enough to give me joy and pleasure.

yeah, i think I'll just let it pass by.
:)

* a tribute to lovely lace shop* :)

running

how would you like to run,
run as fast as you can,
run till you out of breath,
run to where ever your tiny little feet leads you to,
run from all the crowded places,
run, and never look back.

as if you can listen to your own heartbeat,
at times, your heart can literally burst out of your chest,
and when you're so tired,
that you sweat like a pig,
you stop.

and you realise that, you had reached your destination,
a place of eternal tranquility,
far away from all the noise,
away from the hectic dash,
as if you're in another dimension,
where the wind blows softly,
it seeps in your skin, and soaks in your soul,
clearing your mind.

nothing you can see, but open space,
nothing you can listen, but your own breathe,
nothing you can feel, but inner peace,
nothing you can think about, but nothing.

nothing.
nothing at all.

Running, running
As fast as we can
Do you think we'll make it?
-running, no doubt-

#2

The test of faith

Are you faithful to Him? Unleash the power of believe hur. Believe in Him


P/s: tlglah sayangi diri sndiri kawan2. Diri kita ni amanah dari allah

Alfatihah untuk allahyarham yus akmal. Semoga arwah tenang bersama Dia.